


301+ and Counting

by Alemantele, Jingushi



Category: Durarara!!
Genre: Depression, Epistolary, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Metafiction, but of a minor OC, durarara humour, established shizaya, sort of au anyways, youtuber!au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-05
Updated: 2015-09-28
Packaged: 2018-04-19 02:30:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 20,860
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4729373
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Alemantele/pseuds/Alemantele, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jingushi/pseuds/Jingushi
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Whereby Izaya is a YouTuber and everything's still canon. More or less.</p><p>(Established Shizaya)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. August - October

**Author's Note:**

> So we watched ep. 5 of Durarara!!x2 and wondered if maybe it would be amusing if Izaya was secretly a YouTuber on the side. We took a few liberties with the premise, mainly that Izaya vlogs Western style since that was a more familiar territory for us, and also starting with Shizaya already established because why not. 
> 
> Shots at fandom completely affectionate, of course! We hope this is as fun to read as it was to write!

August 11th 2013  
**cats-and-sweaterweather:**

_**Anonymous asked:** what do u think of the latest video? i didn’t even know you could get into the tower to see the actual bell lol_

Huh, yeah, anon, that’s a good point you bring up. I didn’t know that you could get into the tower to see the actual bell either, and, with some digging you can see that, well, technically speaking you can’t do that. (That brings up a whole other issue of the problematic nature of Kasita’s constant breaking into things, but that’s a whole other post that I don’t really want to write. You can check out officer-sushi’s posts if you want some really good posts about the legality of what Kasita films if you’re interested, though, anon!)

The thing that comes to my mind is why Kasita even bothers to sneak into places he’s not supposed to be in for his videos. Kasita does this a lot (see: the clothing warehouse video and carnival video for some pretty clear examples) and he never actually gets caught for doing it (or at least I’m pretty sure he doesn’t. My guess is that his camera would be confiscated if that ever happened, but I might just be wrong on that account.) It’s also probably not for the views, since he doesn’t actually film himself doing any of the breaking in especially since we all know that Kasita rarely asks people to subscribe at the end of his videos. (Though I suppose what with 961k subs already he doesn’t need the self-promo anymore, but I digress…)

Interesting to consider for sure! I’ll put the rest of this under a read more so you can ignore it if you want, because from here on it’ll mostly be me rambling...

I mentioned here before about how Kasita’s videos are all very isolated, and I won’t get into all that now, but I personally think that Kasita makes videos to share “unexpected wonders” with others in a way that he can’t necessarily do in real life. You get a great sense of atmosphere from most of his videos, especially with the limited editing and almost candid shots we see him use, and it’s like he puts you right where he is.

There’s actually a great example of this in the latest video you were talking about here:

The video goes on for about a minute without Kasita even being in the shot, letting us sort of soak in the sounds and sights and everything; as if we were right there with him.

Though the first thing he says right after the bells stop ringing I think is even more indicative of Kasita’s mindset when making his videos.

It feels like Kasita is trying to understand why these sights are as popular as they are. He’s trying to connect to both his viewers and the things he shows us, but he also doesn’t quite get why the things are as interesting as they are. I feel like the things that Kasita considers interesting are really different than the conventional sense of interesting (that one video he filmed under lots of bridges with the camera flashing between graffiti on concrete and just the underside of the highway comes to mind), but I haven’t quite figured out why Kasita finds the things he does interesting. Makes for entertaining videos are least! Brings to mind the loneliness thing again and also ties into the unconventional videos Kasita usually makes.

Another thing that’s not really relevant but I’ll put it here anyways since I’m rambling at this point is the increased frequency of “Shizu-chan” in Kasita’s videos? I just thought it was kind of interesting to note because I was just talking about Kasita’s loneliness. Is Shizu-chan Kasita’s friend and they’re acting out some sort of personas for the camera or does Kasita genuinely hate Shizu-chan and vice versa as they claim? (If it’s the latter, then why does Kasita _film_ someone he hates so much so often?)

Anyways, this got really long, and I think I’ll end it there. I just find Kasita’s...I guess I can call it aesthetic for lack of a better word, ha, really interesting. Tell me what you guys think though; I’d love to hear another perspective! And feel free to ask more questions, though you might get a long rambly answer again since I’m procrastinating on my paper tonight.

 

_tags: kasita, youtube, youtuber, analysis, shizu-chan_

_22 notes_

 

* * *

 

August 26 2013  
**kasitalks:**

**From the Roof**

_A shot of the city skyline at a slight downwards angle. It is dark, but streetlights blaze. There are few stars; they are mostly drowned out by the vibrant lights of the city. The blinking red light from a plane passes overhead._

KASITA, _breathes a slight laugh, speaks as he swings the camera across the skyline_ : I lo~ove heights. You can see everything so clearly from up here, ne?

_The camera angle changes, so that Kasita’s face is seen with a faint smile._

KASITA: The wind is so strong up here, too, like it could just blow me right off the edge if I get too close! _He starts to walk, the background shifting in a colourful blur of buildings and streetlights behind him. He is walking along the edge of the building._ It’s funny, isn’t it? How temporary everything is? I’ve heard that even on regular days buildings as tall as this one will bend in the wind. They’re designed that way, you know? It kind of makes you think, if something as big as this can’t even stand up straight in the wind, what does that make us?

_The camera shifts to point straight up, where there are barely any stars visible_

KASITA, _casually_ : Sometimes I think humans are so silly, but then I see how we’ve even drowned out the stars! How wonderful~! He laughs out loud, the sound echoing. They’re so far away, so tiny, so easily blocked out by the lights we’ve made for ourselves. Even stars die, ne? Ah~ sometimes I wonder if there’s anything permanent in this world. He shrugs. Probably not, but that’s what makes life so fun!

_Suddenly, the camera shifts to the plaza in front of the building, where a couple of people are milling about, cigarette smoke lazily curling up into the air._

KASITA, _contemplatively_ : See even when there’s so little to hold on to in this world you can always find people everywhere. Weird, ne? They probably don’t have any idea what’s going on. I love watching people in their natural habitats. It’s all so...fascinating. What are you doing out so late, I wonder? A hidden drug deal? A late night stroll, even? O~oor, a hidden meeting with a secret lover? _The camera zooms in on the pair, a tree with branches swaying slightly in the wind beside them._ A person shows who they really are in the darkness, after all. But in this case, no matter how clearly you can see the city, you can’t see what he’s thinking at all. What _are_ you thinking? _The camera zooms in even further as he speaks, until the video is blurred around the edges._

How fragile human lives are, ne? We die, we are buried, we return to the earth, and we can’t even stop the wind then. _He turns the camera towards himself again._ If I was watching you, would you want to know? _He resumes his walk around the edge of the building, and the camera is focused on his feet as he walks. Kasita walks in a peculiar manner, one arm out, crossing his legs with each step. He laughs._ It must be so boring to be all alone like this all the time. It’s so qui~iet.

_Silence. There is only the sound of Kasita’s breathing for a few seconds, only the rush of cars. Then, footsteps resume as Kasita walks to the other end of the rooftop._

_The camera focuses on the street below. A few cars rush by._

KASITA, _whispering, repeats_ : It’s so quiet.

_The sound of a horn honking is heard, and a parked car’s lights starts to flash._

KASITA: Aa~ah, so loud. Funny how the stillness makes it seem louder. I wonder why people don’t come out at night. It’s no less dangerous than in the morning what with all these lights everywhere, but somehow just the absence of the sun hanging in the sky is enough to scare people back home. What does that mean then? _He turns the camera on himself._ I’ll tell you what it means. It means humans are afraid of each other. Who knows what anyone else will do, ne? _He turns the camera back to the streets._

 _When he speaks again, his voice is softer, quieter._ There’s more people sleeping than awake right now. It’s just you and me, ne? _He seems to lean out further. More of the street is visible._ And who knows what you’ll do.

Who knows what I’ll do~

_The video suddenly blurs. The camera has been dropped. Brief flashes of the building and the streets around it can be seen, but it is too blurred to make out. The camera falls for about 7 seconds, and then the video suddenly becomes sharp and clear, the video half filled with shrubbery and half still filming the streets. A truck rushes by and the leaves rustle._

_The video is still for half a minute, with only occasional cars seen driving across the roads. The beeping of the truck can be heard, though it is now off screen. In the distance, a siren blares, but the sound slowly droops and then it is gone._

_Footsteps are heard._

_A hand half covers the lens of the camera._

KASITA, _picking up the camera and turning so that it faces him_ : See~ya next time!

_The screen goes black._

 

_tags: kasita transcript, kasitalks, youtube, vlogs_

_48 notes_

 

* * *

 

September 20 2013  
**wanderlost:**

**Day 8: Ikebukuro**

Man that was a day. Things got kind of...weird...so I’ll be brief. Also it’s getting dark outside the window now, and I have a slight headache and everything is kind of hazy. So. That’s my headspace right now, so apologies for any typos.

I actually went shopping today, which was really nice. You guys should remind me to take some pics later! Tokyo has some pretty amazing boutiques. That ate up the entire first half of my day, so hopefully I’ll get to go to some actual attractions tomorrow. Though with what happened _after_ shopping I’m not even sure if I want to stay much longer...

So I went to this Russian sushi place, right? One of the weirdest places I’ve been to, and that’s saying something… Some sketchy guy tried to talk to me on the way out, but before he could say much he got blindsided by a blond bartender? Apparently there’s been gang stuff going on in the neighbourhood recently too.

Seriously. Not kidding.

What _is_ this city?

Anyways, I went to Akihabara after that, which was super fun!! Look out for that blog post maybe tomorrow when I’m less tired!

Gonna sleep now. Who knows what strange things shall await tomorrow? Guess I’ll see… Night guys!

 

_tags: travelling, ikebukuro, the blond bartender was holding a telephone pole???? does anyone know what’s going on here because i dont_

_97 notes_

 

* * *

 

09/23/2013 9:03 AM  
Shizuo: you fcuker what did you do to my frying pan

09/23/2013 9:05 AM  
Izaya: i’ll never tell~~ ;3

09/23/2013 9:09 AM  
Shizuo: I’m going to kill you  
Where did you put it

09/23/2013 9:12 AM  
Izaya: if you must know,  
we had a tragic romance wherein her overbearing father discovered my affections for her. in order to protect our love she agreed to elope with me <3  
we’re getting married this saturday

09/23/2013 9:12 AM  
Shizuo: Give back the frying pan or I swear

09/23/2013 9:27 AM  
Shizuo: [one image attached]

09/23/2013 9:33 AM  
Izaya: oh you found it! i didn’t think you’d be able to. i suppose there’s something to be said for beastial instinct~ >u<

 

* * *

 

09/25/2013 5:31 PM  
Izaya: so, my place tonight? :]

09/25/2013 5:56 PM  
Shizuo: Sure

 

* * *

 

September 26 2013  
**harlequinncat:**

ok but what if during one of his vlogs in his apartment we just hear shizu-chan offscreen complaining about having to do the laundry or something and kasita snarks something back and there’s no explanation, that’s how they come out as a couple.

~~I ship it~~

 

_tags: kashizu, kashizu month, no but really no one rants about a guy for five minutes without having some seriously strong emotions about that person, kasita, shizu-chan_

_51 notes_

 

* * *

 

September 30 2013  
**kasitalks:**

**Why I Hate Shizu-chan**

_A shot of a sleek looking apartment, light streaming in through wide windows. The sound of footsteps can be heard._

KASITA, _enters shot, only his dark jeans visible until he sits on the couch_ : Hiya~ Thought I’d take a little break from wandering around and show you all my apartment. Well. _He pauses, looks around._ The couch of my apartment anyways. He grins, and waves slightly. I suppose it’s a convenient arrangement since I don’t want to go out today anyways because _someone_ \-- _he narrows his eyes slightly in a brief glare_ \--broke my phone and I need to get it replaced.

 _The smile disappears, a scowl appearing on his face instead._ Did you know it’s the fourth phone I’ve had to get this month? This _month_! Shizu~chaan you’re such a brute, aren’t you? Always breaking my things. _He points a finger to the camera._ You guys are much more fun than Shizu-chan. But don’t tell him I said that, he might just get jealous~

_Kasita gets up from the couch, and starts to pace around in front of the camera. His face cannot be seen here, instead just his long legs and the occasional gesticulating hand._

KASITA, _with irritation_ : Of course, monsters like you don’t feel emotions like jealousy, now do they. I mean, I’ve _tried_ to teach him a few things, but it seems that old dogs don’t learn new tricks after all, ne? You alway have to go and break something to make all my efforts useless. My phone, my camera, my arm… You know, the usual…

 _He stops pacing and sits crosslegged in front of the couch._ Did you know that he tried to impale me with a telephone pole once? It was kind of funny, I guess, but Shizu-chan, you forgot that I can be very fast and telephone poles are very slow. Monsters are just kind of stupid, now, ne? _He tilts his head, spotting a colourful flyer or some sort sitting on the ground with just the corner in the shot. He picks it up, reads it over before shrugging and turning back to the camera._ They say that the definition of insanity is to try the same thing over and over again but expect different results. Does that make you insane, then, Shizu-chan? I don’t know how many times I’d heard you screech my name and say that-- _his voice deepens almost comically_ \--”I’ll kill you! I’ll kill you now!”

 _Kasita chuckles, standing up._ I suppose that makes me insane too, since I keep running away from you, expecting you to have finally _learned_ , but oh well~ Sanity is so overrated after all.

_He sits back down on the couch, a frown again on his face._

KASITA, _more heated now_ : Doesn’t he ever get tired of his own brain? It must be so dull in there all the time. I don’t understand what he does all day other than hitting people or things or whatever sometimes. He’s such a public menace. Does he even know how dangerous he can be? I’m surprised he hasn’t killed anymore for real yet. Or, well, that I know of. Heh, to think that he tried to get a real job once. _Kasita smiles._ Everyone knows that no one would hire a monster~

 _He leans back, a smile still on his face._ I suppose it’s a good thing you’re so fascinatingly horrid, Shizu-chan. Still, there’s nothing more I’d like than to slay the beast for once. Ah~ how wonderful life would be without you breaking all my things for once? Maybe I’ll stop by Ikebukuro again tomorrow and we can have some fun, ne~?

 _The flyer is still in his hands. Kasita folds it in half._ I’ll enjoy myself in the city, but you won’t take long to show up. Your beastly instincts are strong are ever, Shizu-chan~ _He starts to tear at the ends of the flyer._ Then what’ll you do? Chase me around again? _He continues to tear at the flyer._ Upend a garbage can? Maybe hurt some innocent passerby with your violent antics? I loo~ove watching humans but you’re a monster so you don’t count, right? _His voice is darker._ You always ruin my city excursions. I wonder if I can go out once without seeing your stupid, ugly face.

_He gets up, grabs the camera, and walks to the window. The shredded bits of flyer are still in his hands. Kasita opens the window and flicks them out into the streets._

KASITA, _turning to the camera_ : I do hope I see you tomorrow though, Shizu-chan. I haven’t told you lately that I haa~aate you, ne?

_The screen goes black._

 

_tags: kasitalks, kasita, youtube, kasita transcripts, vlogs_

_55 notes_

 

* * *

 

 **valleywar02** (6 hours ago)  
“it’s true love!” Are you people even paying any attention to the video? They obviously hate each others’ guts. I don’t have anything against fangirls but y’all are delusional as hell  
reply | 3 likes | 23 dislikes

(Hide replies)

 **gomennesai** (6 hours ago)  
lol if u dont like it just move on. no ones forcing u to read the comments

 **kirsten allie** (6 hours ago)  
I HATE it when people say things like this. I mean, why are you the authority on what is love and what isn’t? It takes all sorts of forms, not to mention you don’t even know what happens off camera. I for one really enjoy seeing Kasita getting so worked up over someone else. As someone who’s been watching since he had only 5k subs it’s really interesting to see how he’d developed over the (Read more)

 **Eren Returns** (6 hours ago)  
**+kirsten allie** my thoughts exactly ^^ people like valleywar should probably just get off youtube

 **Gatsotsu Kuroo** (5 hours ago)  
it’s just shipping. i find it sorta creepy to ship real people togehter but hey, whatever floats their boats right? It’s not really hurting anyone after all :)

 **Maureen Neece** (5 hours ago)  
Don’t feed the troll, guys! Just ignore them and enjoy the rare video of Kasita ranting <3 I wonder what their relationship really is tho. Wish we could know…

 **kasita** (5 hours ago)  
what shizu-chan and I have is special~~

 **Maureen Neece** (5 hours ago)  
*screams*

 **Eren Returns** (5 hours ago)  
wAIT DOES THAT MEAN KASHIZU IS REAL

 

* * *

 


	2. October - December

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning for themes of depression and suicide, and Izaya being an asshole (as usual).

DOLLARS

**Who is Kasita? (23)**

 

  1. Name: **rrrosei**




So I think I’ll be the first to ask the question everyone wants to know: who the hell is Kasita? And, also, are Kasita and the one infamous infobroker we all know and hate, Izaya Orihara himself, one and the same?

  1. Name: **01JOKER_Xx**




What the hell, man? are you crazy?? why the fuck would orihara risk going on youtube and showing his life to the world?

  1. Name: **rrrosei**




Have you seen any of Kasita’s vids? (uh I mean not that I do or anything…)

They’re all creepy and mysterious or whatever. You’d get it if you’ve ever dealt with Orihara. He pulls the same sort of enigmatic crap on you to trip you out or something. It kind of feels like the same guy to me, plus they look like twins, so I was wondering what you guys were thinking. Am I just going crazy?

  1. Name: **bachmanioff**




Still seems kinda sketchy to me

  1. Name: **xljslkdjf**




you guys are missing the most important clue. there’s that shizu-chan guy kasita talks about all the time. Anyone with eyes can see that that’s shizuo heiwajima. Who the fuck else runs around in a bartender outfit throwing shit like that?? guys orihara is playing some sort of fucked up game with this youtube thing, i swear

god i wanna get my hands on that little shit. we all know you can’t trust him.

  1. Name: **~aiwamii~**




i sorta see where your coming from, but I still think it’s really weird?? seriously wtf.

 

* * *

 

FIVE INJURED, ONE DEAD IN IKEBUKURO GANG FIGHT

_Published October 20, 2013 by Ryusei Hashimoto [Tokyo Sun]_

(2 comments)

TOKYO--Tokyo police arrested six young adults after a minor scuffle turned deadly late last Wednesday three blocks away from Shibuya Station. Police are remaining quiet on the ongoing investigation, despite speculation that this may be part of the overall escalation of gang tensions seen since early September. However, Superintendent Okada has assured members of the public that measures are being taken to assure the wellbeing and safety of the public…(continue)

 

* * *

 

10/23/2013 6:23 AM   
Shinra: y’know your best friends will worry when you don’t text for about a month

10/24/2013 2:39 AM  
Izaya: it’s so nice of you to relay their concern, shinra-san! who is this mysterious best friend of mine? you can’t mean shizu-chan, can you~?

10/24/2013 2:43 AM  
Shinra: id say this isn’t like you but this is absolutely like you. Now tell me what’s wrong.

10/24/2013 4:23 PM  
Izaya: what makes you think something’s wrooong~?

10/24/2013 5:01 PM  
Shinra: well there’s the fact that you haven’t been responding to any of my calls about going out on a double date with me and celty, the fact that there’s been all that gang stuff in the news lately, also the fact that you havne’t posted any videos either!! Izaya! you have an obligation to your fans, you know!

10/24/2013 9:12 PM  
Izaya: I’ve been busyyyy (´；д；`)

10/24/2013 9:23 PM  
Shinra: you’re working with shiki-san aren’t you?!

10/24/2013 9:38 PM  
Izaya: shhhhhhhhhhh ;D

10/24/2013 10:23 PM  
Shinra: weeeeelll just be careful, okay?  
And you’re going on that date with me and celty next week!! bring shizuo-san!!!

10/25/2013 3:21 AM  
Shinra: Also can I be in one of your videos??

 

* * *

 

November 3rd 2013  
**karmas-servant:**

Okay so a lot of you’ve been wondering about my thoughts on Kasita, especially since I haven’t exactly made a secret of my dislike of him. I didn’t really want to write this post, but after his recent surge in popularity, I feel like I gotta throw in my two cents on the matter.

So, why don’t I like him? Let’s start with the most obvious: a huge portion of his videos only exist because of his criminal activity. The Bell of Time, Sunshine 60, the Isetan Department Store, that one high school video...you’re not _allowed_ in these places after hours. Some of them are off-limits entirely. That means that to film those videos he had to break and enter, an offense just as illegal in Japan as it is in the US. And he makes _money_ off these actions, from ad revenue off his channel. **Meaning whenever you click on one of his videos, you’re PAYING him to commit crimes.**

“Well, what’s so bad about that if he’s not hurting anyone?” some of you might ask. And to that, I have two responses. First, you have to realize that what you see in his videos is only what he wants you to see. How can we be sure that all he’s doing in those places is film himself talking? And second, he does hurt people, gleefully. One person in particular, in any case. You all know who I’m referring to.

Kasita’s actions towards the man he calls Shizu-chan is...creepy, to say the least. Stalkerish, even. If you look at his vine account nearly all the clips there are of Shizu-chan, many of them seemingly taken from a distance, with the rest having him provoking shizu-chan into some sort of violent action. I would saw it’s done out of some twisted form of affection except for the fact that it’s obvious there’s no love lost between the two. A month ago Kasita had posted an angry rant about the other man on his youtube channel where, among other things, he refers to Shizu-chan as a monster no less than four times (his casual dehumanization is unsettling to say the least, and perhaps suggestive of why he treats him the way he does).

If that’s not enough, here is a video of the two of them fighting, taken by someone who lives in Tokyo. Putting aside Shizu-chan’s impressive strength, you’ll notice a glint at 0:22. That’s a knife, longer, I’m pretty sure, than the 6cm blade length allowed by Japanese legislation, and he has no qualms in using it. I don’t know if that worries anyone else but it definitely concerns me that this is the man everyone’s been fawning over.

I’m not into psychology, but if I had to say, there’s a certain malice in him that makes him a danger to the people around him. **He’s got a complete disregard for the rule of the law, for other people’s privacies, and seems alarmingly bereft of conscience.** Be honest: if you saw him out on the street, doing what he does, you’d cross the road and avoid him as much as you can. It’s only the Internet and the distance it affords people that allows someone like him such a large audience and popularity.

I know I’m probably going to get so much anonhate for this, but you know what? I don’t care. It just means that people are uncomfortable with what I’m saying. And they should be.

 _tags: karmas stuff, kasita, shizu-chan, youtube  
_ _61 notes_

 

* * *

 

 **whitemage98** 2 weeks ago  
I know Kasita’s never going to see this but just in case you do - thanks, man. A lot of things have happened to me recently and but I know your videos never fail to make me laugh or see things from a different perspective. You’ve seriously saved me *thumbs up*  
reply | 5 likes | 0 dislikes

(Hide replies)

 **kasita**     2 weeks ago  
aw, thanks a lot! Glad to see you doing better, and hang in there~ it's because of people like you that I make these videos after all (*＾▽＾)／

 **xxking-of-fools** 2 weeks ago  
i agree. i’m currently in a rut in my life rn and it seriously seems like there’s no way out, but there are little glimpses of hope here and there, kasita’s videos being one of them. You give me hope that this’ll all pass, tho. Just gotta stick by things a bit longer…

 **nakura-desu12**   2 weeks ago  
**+xxking-of-fools** aww, sad to hear that. :( I know watching Kasita always manages to cheer me up, even though the world is kind of a shitty place, yeah? talking to other people helps sometimes, too! ^^

 **xxking-of-fools2** weeks ago  
i suppose, though i don’t really have anyone i can talk to. all my “friends” are backstabbing assholes. Thanks for the comfort, though, that was nice of you c:

 **nakura-desu12**   2 weeks ago  
+xxking-of-fools thanks! im always ready to lend an ear if you need tho :)) im melly-bear23 on skype

 

* * *

 

November 7, 2013

Contact request sent.  
Please add me as a contact.  
7:23 PM

 **Melissa Ward** has shared contact details with **Ryan Levi**  
7:54 PM

 

via Skype

  
**Ryan Levi** | 7:55 PM  
So, uh, hi. ^_^ I like your username.

 **Melissa Ward** | 8:01 PM  
Oh! Thanks :3 Are you the guy from Kasita’s video?       

 **Ryan Levi** | 8:02 PM  
Yeah I am, haha. Sorry if i seemed sorta jerkish there.

 **Ryan Levi** | 8:05 PM  
er, what’s up?

 **Melissa Ward** | 8:09 PM  
nothing much~! ^^ and it’s fine, i completely understand where you’re coming from. man, it sucks when you can’t really trust anyone anymore, doesn’t it…

 **Ryan Levi** | 8:09 PM  
it really really does :C sometimes i wonder if all the time i spend with these people was just lies or a joke or something

 **Ryan Levi** | 8:09 PM  
sorry for spazzing. i don’t mean to unload on you.

 **Melissa Ward** | 8:10 PM  
no no it’s fine! like I said, I’m always here to listen if you wanna talk (*^▽^*)

 

* * *

 

11/07/2013 9:21 PM  
Shizuo: yo flea. Will be late tonight. got a late job

11/07/2013 9:39 PM  
Izaya: How late is late? I eagerly await~ ;)

11/07/2013 10:32  
Shizuo: Don’t be creepy.

11/08/2013 9:55 AM  
Izaya: you’re gonna pay me back for that, right? mud is such an unpleasant accent on carpets

11/08/2013 10:01 AM  
Shizuo: fuck off  
            That carpet was hideous anyways.

11/08/2013 3:12 PM  
Izaya: you can insult me about my choice of carpets when you get a nice apartment and something other than disgusting second hand furniture~

11/08/2013 4:51 PM  
Shizuo: Why do you keep coming over, then?

11/09/2013 12:22 PM  
Izaya: its what i brave in my continued attempt to beat some culture into that stunted, monstrous head of yours~

 

* * *

 

November 9th, 2013

 

via Skype

 **Melissa Ward** | 2:32 PM  
hey :) you there? just wanted to check up on you again~!

 **Ryan Levi** | 2:49 PM  
hi! yea, I’m here. sorry for the late reply, fricking school.

 **Melissa Ward** | 2:56 PM  
naaah that’s okay, dw about it. you’re still in school, then? what grade?

 **Ryan Levi** | 2:59 PM  
yea i am. 11th grade. what about you?

 **Melissa Ward** | 3:09 PM  
grade 12 actually! im your senpai hehe ;)

 **Ryan Levi** | 3:12 PM  
whoa, ahaha. that’s cool. i wish I was a senior. no, I wish school was over already. whats the point of going for another 2 years anyways

 **Melissa Ward** | 3:23 PM  
weell if you ask me, there isn’t really much point in going. i dont think i went to even half my classes this year. everyone’s yelling at me for it, but, really, what’s the point in anything?

 **Ryan  Levi** | 3:24 PM  
ikr? me neither, and i swear no one cares either. school’s actually useless. i mean, what, go to college and then work at some deadend place until you die alone like what’s the *point* of it all?

 

* * *

 

November 12th 2013                             
**cerberus-fetch:**

_tags: augh this ship sometimes, you dont understand, kashizu, kasita, shizu-chan, <3  
_ _143 notes_

 

* * *

 

November 15th 2013

via Skype

 **Ryan  Levi |** 12:24 AM  
yo you up?

 **Melissa Ward** | 2:46 AM  
uh, yeah, sure. whats going on?

 **Ryan Levi** | 2:55 AM  
...was just feeling a little lonely. s’sorta stupid tbh.

 **Ryan Levi** | 2:46 AM  
did i bother you? I’m sorry if I did :(

 **Melissa Ward** | 3:03 AM  
not at all~! i said i would be here if you needed someone to listen, yeah?

 **Ryan Levi** | 3:05 AM  
you’re amazing.

 **Ryan Levi** | 3:05 AM  
i wish i could just stop existing sometimes. why does everyone keep trying to fuck things up?

 **Melissa Ward** | 3:32 AM  
yeah I get you. doesn’t it seem sort of like the entire world is against you sometimes?

 **Ryan Levi** | 3:36 AM  
yeaa you get me. exactly

 **Ryan Levi** | 3:36 AM  
like it’s my life, i can make my own choices. who made *you* in charge of what i do with myself?

 **Ryan Levi** | 3:45 AM  
sometimes i find myself listing all the ways i could end this and it scares me

 **Melissa Ward** | 3:52 AM  
i dunno why, but somewhere down the line death stopped being as scary to me. i mean, who am i to the world that it should bother me so much. sometimes i don’t think i’d mind if i got hit by a bus or something tomorrow

 **Melissa Ward** | 4:12 AM  
sorry, that probably didn’t help much

 **Melissa Ward** | 4:13 AM  
still, it’s like you said, your life, your choices, right? -shrugs-

 **Ryan Levi** | 4:23 AM  
yeah

 **Ryan Levi** | 4:29 AM  
yea you’re right. i think you’re the only one who really gets me tbh, thanks. honestly you’re one of the few things still keeping me here.

 **Melissa Ward** | 6:12 AM  
that’s really flattering, and im really glad i can help you. but. don’t you think it’s a good idea to, i dunno, go get help from someone you actually know? its the internet, i could be anyone, right? sometimes trusting random strangers isn’t always the best idea…

 **Ryan Levi** | 6:17 AM  
umhm yea definitely. but you’re not planning to turn on me...are you?

 **Melissa Ward** | 6:37 AM  
well, no, but I mean there’ll be people who will, right? like those fuckers you used to call friends?

 **Ryan Levi** | 6:39 AM

life’s honestly a lot better when you get rid of people like that. srsly. the change sucked, but it’s probably for the better. and there’s gotta be other people like you out there who aren’t like that, right?

 **Melissa Ward** | 6:42 AM  
dont think it’s possible to cut out all the shitty people in your life. the world is a pretty shitty place in general. awful people kind of come with the territory of living, you know?

 **Ryan Levi** | 6:52 AM  
...yeah, that’s true...

 **Ryan Levi** | 6:52 AM  
what should i do then? there’s no good way out of this.

 **Ryan Levi |** 6:53 AM  
except

 **Melissa Ward** | 6:56 AM  
no good way out of living except to not, ne?

 **Ryan Levi** | 6:58 AM  
...yeah.

 **Ryan Levi** | 7:08 AM  
Damn, gotta go. choir’s always so fucking early in the morning, maybe i should just skip. anyways, bye! ttyl?

 **Melissa Ward** | 7:29 AM  
of course!

 

* * *

 

November 15th 2013

 

 **Ryan Levi** | 6:08 PM  
that was actually the worst day ever fuck this life.

 **Ryan Levi** | 6:09 PM

honestly i’ve been thinking and what you said makes a lot of sense.

 **Ryan Levi** | 6:49 PM  
...yo, Melissa, you there?

 

* * *

 

 **Ryan Levi** | 8:11 PM  
hello?

 

* * *

 

11/13/2013 2:31 PM  
Izaya: dogs are such stupid creatures, aren’t they? Here’s a picture of one; it reminded me of youuu <3 [one image attached]

11/13/2013 5:03 PM  
Shizuo: [one image attached]

11/15/2013 3:12 AM  
Izaya: is that what you think of me? <//3 o(╥﹏╥)o

11/15/2013 12:11 PM  
Shizuo: You free tonight?

11/15/2013 11:02 PM  
Izaya: Nope~!

11/21/2013 7:41 PM  
Shizuo: no one’s heard from you in a week. What are you up to

11/28/2013 8:13 PM  
Shizuo: you there?  
            you asshole  
            Izaya.

11/29/2013 12:07 AM  
Shizuo: If you don’t answer this I’m breaking into your apartment tmrw

 

* * *

 

Rating:                                    Teen And Up Audiences  
Archive Warning:                  No Archive Warnings Apply  
Category:                                M/M  
Fandom:                                 Youtube Blogging & Youtube RPF, Kasita (Youtube RPF)  
Relationships:                         Shizu-chan/Kasita  
Characters:                             Kasita, Shizu-chan  
Additional Tags:                     make-out sessions in dirty alleys are my weakness  
Language:                              English  
Stats:                                      Published:2013-12-01   Words:1606     Chapters:1/1     Kudos:58        Bookmarks:8        Hits:512

 

 **Put On A Show  
** donteventalktome 

Summary: 

* * *

He doesn’t expect anything to happen this time, why should he? It is, after all, just another round of their version of hide and seek, another chase around the city. Kasita takes a camera to his and Shizu-chan’s game, and gets surprising results.

* * *

 

“Ne, ne, Shizu-chan,” Kasita sings, swinging his legs to and fro through the railing of the balcony he’s perched on, “doesn’t this place get boring after a while?” He holds the camera up, and studies the way Shizu-chan slowly looks up, cigarette still hanging out of his mouth as he glares into the lens. He is slouched against the alley wall, like he often is, hands bunched in his pockets.

The sun glints off his bleach blond hair, and Kasita wonders what it would be like to run his hands through it.

“What’re you doing here?” Shizu-chan scoffs after a while, straightening from his perch against the wall.

Kasita loves the way Shizu-chan is so tense around him, imagines what it would feel like for Shizu-chan to embrace him. He closes his eyes, thinks of the feeling of taut muscles around his torso. “Looking for you,” he breathes, smirking, and stands with the camera pointed straight at Shizu-chan’s scowling face. 

“Che,” Shizu-chan says, eying the camera warily, “any particular reason why, or am I just that irresistible?” His voice is a low growl, sending shivers down his spine, but the words are smothered with sarcasm. Kasita wonders if Shizu-chan really hates him, sometimes. He wonders if those words would ever be said sincerely, or if he was doomed to half brought up hopes and his own imagination.

“Do I need a better reason?” Kasita asks, swinging off the balcony. He lands on the ground and strolls to the mouth of the alley, his eyes and the camera trained on Shizu-chan the entire way.

Shizu-chan snorts, taking a long drag of his cigarette. He leans in, his gaze stopping Kasita mid step.

Kasita stumbles back until he hits the wall, and then it is just him and Shizu-chan and a dirty wall. He tries to act like this is nothing to him, even throws in an annoyed glare for appearances’ sake, but the pounding of his heart is so loud he swears Shizu-chan could hear.

As close as they were, it probably didn’t need to be very loud anyways.

Shizu-chan leans in, smoke trailing from his nostrils and making Kasita’s eyes water, just a little. “No,” he says curtly, a savage grin lighting up his face, and Kasita tilts his head up, stares at the sharp curve of his lips and wonders what it would be like to kiss that cruel mouth.

“Well then,” he says, hating how breathy his voice sounds, “guess I brought this for nothing, then, ne?” He shakes the camera still held in his hand. The brief thought that whatever footage he’s getting now must be rather useless, as trapped against the wall and Shizu-chan as he is, but then he thinks of the way you can probably just see Shizu-chan’s long long legs, half entwined with his own, and it must be worth it just for that. 

Instantly, Shizu-chan’s hand is around his wrist, and he grabs not just the camera but Kasita’s hand.

They stare at each other, wordlessly. Kasita feels his breath hitch and hates himself for it.

Slowly, a smirk spread on Shizu-chan’s face. “If you were looking for a show…,” he says, trailing off, reaching out and pulling Kasita’s hand out so that the camera is pointed at the two of them. He finishes off the rest of the cigarette, leaning his head back and exhaling so that the smoke covers them with a hazy air. He drops the stub, flicking it casually over his shoulder.

Then, moving oh so deliberately, he grabs onto Kasita’s other wrist and pushes them against the wall. Kasita feels the rough brick at his back and shudders, a cool breeze sending goosebumps along his skin where his shirt has lifted up slightly.

“Then I’ll give you one,” Shizu-chan finishes, and presses up, and suddenly Kasita feels warm lips against his own.

The moment seems to last forever. 

Shizu-chan’s kiss is rough, just like he always thought it would be. His kiss is hungry, as if Shizu-chan has wanted this for as long as Kasita has, as if he hasn’t been taunting him for ages, as if this is the last time they will ever see each other again. Shizu-chan bites at Kasita’s lower lip, and Kasita can only open his mouth and melt against the wall, feeling nothing but the beat of his heart as it says _Shizu-chan Shizu-chan Shizu-chan._

Then, just as suddenly, Shizu-chan pulls back, still holding the camera, still pinning Kasita’s wrist against the wall.

Kasita’s breathing is embarrassingly shaky as he stares at Shizu-chan, and he doesn’t think he can form the right words. How long he had he been waiting for this moment? The feeling of Shizu-chan’s kiss is still hot on his mouth, and Kasita feels his face heating up, can still feel teeth nipping at his lips. _Do that again, won’t you, Shizu-chan? he wants to ask._

Please, he thinks, and smothers the thought.

Shizu-chan doesn’t seem to notice his longing stare. Or, he notices but doesn’t take note, and Kasita loves and hates how composed Shizu-chan is how controlling he is how he teases and taunts with nothing but a grin on his face. He looks towards his camera, the smirk widening, and leans into Kasita’s ear.

His lips barely brush the shell of his ear as he speaks. “Run,” Shizu-chan whispers, and drops his arms. 

The word confuses him, but only briefly. Shizu-chan’s hands are already curling into fists at his sides.

Kasita musters up a wry grin, and then he ducks under Shizu-chan’s strong arms, feeling the air in his hair as he flies through the city. The wind erases the heat on his lips from the kiss, but Kasita still feels a warmth pooling in his chest. 

He shakes his head, runs faster.

Already, he can hear the sounds of Shizu-chan’s wild laughter as he gives chase. Kasita ducks, feeling the rush of air go over his head as the vending machine sails over, embedding itself in the concrete. He jumps on it, grinning as he waves back at Shizu-chan, and then he leaps off again, running through the twisting streets of the city.

The city knows them, already, and Kasita can see the battle scars they’ve made. The telephone pole half collapsed by an intersection that he jumps over, the leaking pipes from the last time Shizu-chan hadn’t turned quite fast enough and slammed into the building, the way the cracks in the concrete ran, as if punctured by some heavy weight. The city knows them, and Kasita knows this chase like the back of his mind, knows exactly what Shizu-chan will say to him, knows exactly what he’ll say back.

The camera hangs by his side, and he brings it up now as he skips past a moving truck, snickering at the blare of the horn that follows.

The camera, though, doesn’t know this chase, and Kasita wants to acquaint them, wants to bring Shizu-chan to the world.

He isn’t sure which part of Shizu-chan is his favourite--the one who snarls in his face, pins him up against walls, gives him only the briefest suggestions of lust or the one who laughs like a madman as he throws signs and post boxes at his head.

The camera, he thinks, is what made Shizu-chan kiss him, so he has to have done something right.

Behind him, he can hear the sound of Shizu-chan’s yelling. _I’m going to kill you_ , Shizu-chan shouts and Kasita allows himself a slight smile and pivots, peeking around the building to see if Shizu-chan’s caught up yet.

“Too sloo~ow,” he calls, shoving his hands in his pockets and rocking back on his heels. “I’m still waiting.”   

The truck drives away, showing Shizu-chan breathing heavily with fists clenched at his sides. His glasses have fallen off in the chase and as they lock eyes Kasita can see something brewing in their dark depths. He moves with a surprising speed, and throws a punch at Kasita’s head. 

Kasita ducks, too easy, and Shizu-chan’s fist crashes into the wall, splintering the brick there.

“I’ll kill you,” Shizu-chan mutters, pulling his hand back and cracking the knuckles. “I’ll kill you, I’ll kill you, I’ll kill you.”

Kasita throws his head back, laughs, and reaches out to grab Shizu-chan’s hand. He leans in forwards, puts a hand on Shizu-chan’s chest, feeling the deep rumbling as Shizu-chan practically growls at him.

“I know,” he says, simply, and cards his hands in Shizu-chan’s hair. He pulls down and brings their lips crashing together again, thinking, _I won’t ever let you go now that you’ve given me a taste of you._

Shizu-chan’s hands come up to squeeze at Kasita’s shoulders, and he feels the strength deep in his bones. He runs his tongue across Shizu-chan’s lower lip and sighs when Shizu-chan opens his mouth. Shizu-chan runs a hand down Kasita’s back, stopping at his waist, fingers curling down to hook into the waistband of his jeans. Kasita leans upwards, breaking the kiss to slide his hand slowly down Shizu-chan’s soft bartender’s vest.

Kasita leans up, pressing his lips to Shizu-chan’s neck. He feels Shizu-chan tense beneath him, and the fingers digging into his shoulder and waist squeeze harder. “Do you,” Kasita asks, “still--” he plants a light kiss at Shizu-chan’s neck “--want to--” another kiss “--kill me--” kiss “--Shizu-chan?” he finishes, sucking lightly on the warm skin just under Shizu-chan’s collarbone.

Shizu-chan growls, letting go of Kasita’s shoulder and wrenching his chin up. He looks in Kasita’s eyes for a long lingering moment, and then he kisses him, again, still roughly, his hand never releasing its iron grip on his chin.

“Always,” Shizu-chan says, holding Kasita tight. 

The camera clatters to the ground.

     ↑Top    Next Chapter→   Kudos♥    


	3. December - January

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Does Izaya come with a "do not try at home" warning? If not, then he should.

xholica_ (3 days ago)  
seriously 3 weeks no update? WE’RE DYING OF THIRST HERE NEED MY KASITA FIX PLZ  
reply | 49 likes | 2 dislikes

(Hide replies)

~EldestWand~ (3 days ago)  
iKRRRRRR ASJHFKJDHGJDHSFGHKJHGF I CANT DEAL PLEASE COME BACK TO US US KASITA-SAMA I SWEAR WE WON’T BITE

dontlookup (3 days ago)  
Well he doesn’t really have a set updating schedule, right? maybe something came up in his life. I’m sure he’s working on a new vid for everyone c: we just gotta be patient.

Mr. Freezeit (3 days ago)  
I hear he’s really sick and had to be hospitalized.

Heather Greyden (3 days ago)  
WHAT

xholica_ (3 days ago)  
WHERE DID YOU HEAR THAT SOMEONE TELL ME BEFORE I HAVE A HEART ATTACK

dontlookup (2 days ago)  
I can’t find anything about this online, don’t know where +Mr. Freezeit got their information

diancosmahomie (2 days ago)  
whateverthefuck the reason is he needs to post something SOON

 

* * *

 

phoenix-flight04 (3 days ago)  
guys GUYS you know what’s better than sending kasita (and shizuo lol) internet cookies and hugs to help him get better? sending them in REAL LIFE. It took me a while to figure it out but he lives in ikebukuro, tokyo. anyone who wants the address hit me up with a message kthnxbye  
reply | 102 likes | 79 dislikes

(View all 51 replies)

 

* * *

 

 

12/04/2013 10:32 AM  
Izaya: aww, thanks for the tea, Shizu-chaaaan! i didnt know you had such a sweet side to you <3  
does this mean you’ll fix my door someday?  
[one image attached]  
really, my neighbours are starting to wonder~

12/04/2013 10:45 AM  
Shizuo: Don’t act like you have neighbours.

12/04/2013 10:45 AM  
Izaya: i do! Do you want photos?

12/04/2013 10:51 AM  
Shizuo: nO  
Why don’t you get the door fixed yourself if you want it done so much? You have the money. Plus it’s your fault in the first place that it’s broken.

12/04/2013 10:53 AM  
Izaya: I seem to remember a certain brute breaking it down after threatening to invade my home~

12/04/2013 10:54 AM  
Shizuo: Dont mkae it sound weird. youw ere the one practicaly dead over his keyboard. When was the last time you slept before i made you?

12/04/2013 11:02 AM  
Izaya: ^_^

12/04/2013 11:03 AM  
Shizuo: Was all that hard work worth it in the end? What was it even for?  
I swear to god if you had a hand in the gang shit that’s been going down recently

12/04/2013 11:07 AM  
Izaya: ^_^

12/04/2013 11:09 AM  
Shizuo: For fucks sake

 

* * *

 

12/04/2013 5:11 PM  
Izaya: it WAS for a job though, if u were curious

 

* * *

 

POLICE BUST UNKNOWN GANG IN IKEBUKURO  
December 8, 2013 09:32

[Ikebukuro] Last night, local police broke up a meeting of an unknown gang, resulting in the arrest and detainment of all fifteen members. All fifteen were charged with battery with dangerous weapons and the three alleged leaders were charged with attempted murder. The gang is suspected to be involved in a series of clashes with the notorious Awakusu group over the past few months.

No injuries from either side were reported, though Officer Hajime of the Tokyo Metropolitan Police claims violence nearly broke out numerous times while arrests were being made.

A spokesperson from the Tokyo police claims the information about the unknown gang’s location was received from an outside party, whose identity has been obscured to protect their safety.

(Chunichi Shinbum)

 

* * *

 

December 18, 2013  
**saynadakanata:**

So guys, it’s finally happened. Kasita hasn’t uploaded anything in a month and a half, and I don’t want to jump the gun or anything, but even if he does update this side of 2013 I doubt it’s going to change a thing about how he treats his audience and his channel.

I said “it’s finally happened” at the start of this post, but truthfully I don’t think anything’s happened. Kasita is as he always is--mercurial and utterly apologetic about the fact that he’s completely uninvolved with his fans. In retrospect, we should’ve anticipated his getting bored of his youtube channel a while ago. It’s pretty obvious that people like him are really only into this for the money and fame. And while a lack of either (or both) might have trapped him with the channel, now that his popularity and paycheck’s grown, what’s holding him back?

I guess what angers me the most is that at this point, he could literally post and say whatever, but the majority of his subscribers would lap it up and shower him in praise. He doesn’t even have to try anymore, and he knows that.

Sorry, everyone, but I’m done. I used to like his videos, but now that I’ve finally figured out what’s been bothering me all this time, I’m out.

I obviously can’t speak for everyone, but I for one find it hard to derive enjoyment out of watching a guy who cares so little for his work or his audience.

 

_tags: personal, kasita, youtubers_

_12 notes_

  


* * *

 

UPLOAD: Let’s have a talk [privated video]  
POSTED: 12/29/2013  
CHANNEL: kasita  
CONTENT:

[rustling]

[male voice]: Wow, long time no see, ne? I’d tell you a-lll about where I’ve been, but then I’d have to kill you! [laughter]

Did you guys miss me? It seems so - my inbox was overflowing with messages from you guys...some more interesting than others. You guys’ve certainly been busy while I was gone.

[pause]

Very busy.

[slight pause]

You know, I once knew a kid who was so desperate for someone to listen to him that he’d blurt out all his darkest innermost thoughts to the first person to pay him any attention, not thinking at all as to whether that person had his best interests in mind. It’s funny, how fragile is the bubble of obscurity that protects a human.

Of course, I’m not wanting for listeners. How many are there of you now - 1.5 million? Two? Amazing. And I’m certain all of you care as much about me as I do you! [laughter]

I’ve never figured out why people keep falling for the illusions, though. One would think humans would have developed some sort of way of detecting which people are true and which are masks by now, no? But, no. They keep treading the same paths, over and over and over. Baffling, but also fascinating! Perhaps it’s a method of self-preservation, fooling the mind to believe in fantasies rather than cold reality.

You’re seeing an illusion now, too! The Kasita you see is really just a series of flickering pixels your brain turns into a real, live person. You’ve never seen me in real life, but you’re convinced I exist, isn’t that strange? You, with own little, individual, typical human life - you’re watching me, just an illusion of a real person probably hundreds of kilometers away, living a life you know only in prepared five-minute segments.

Still, there’re so many of you! Those five-minute bits sure add up then, don’t they? And there’s only one of me, and I can only do so much to know you. Where’s the fun in creating an unbalanced situation where you guys know so much, and I so little?

Of course, I love my fans, each and every one of you. And it seems you love me back! But sometimes, it’s important for everyone to take a step back, hm?

 

* * *

 

January 2, 2014  
**kasitalks:**

**Happy New Year’s!**

_The sound of footsteps squeaking on linoleum tiles and a shot of an empty subway platform. The harsh fluorescent lighting throws everything into strange shadows._

_The camera suddenly swings back, revealing Kasita leaning against a black and white tiled pillar._

  
KASITA: Hey guys! _He gives a slight wave._ Long time no see, huh? I’d give you all the boring details about why I’ve been gone, but then I’d have to kill you!

_He laughs, and the sound echoes through the mostly empty station._

KASITA, _happily_ : All you need to know is that I’m back! Didn’t you miss me? I mean, judging from the jump in subscribers lately and also some of the more… _interesting_ messages you guys’ve sent me, you really missed me a lot. _He smirks and waves a hand._ I’m _flattered_ , really. Congratulations on annoying me enough to get me to come back!

_A pause. Kasita skips away from the pillar and winks into the camera._

KASITA: Just ki~idding, of course. I love my fans. So much, that I’m making this video as a celebration of finally getting to two million subscribers! Yay! _He tilts his head, eyes flickering to the subway tracks._ Y’know, two million people is a lot of you. Two million people who’re probably watching me right now. Way more than even how crowded this place gets during morning rush hour times.

_He walks over to the tracks. A shot of the darkness beyond, only floating lights visible in the void._

KASITA, _contemplatively_ : Hey you know how it’s crowded enough that we hire pushers to push people into the trains, right? I wonder if anyone ever misses and pushes a person into the tracks instead. I mean, the job sounds so _tedious,_ doesn’t it? Just pushing all day, and then waiting for the train, then more squishing, then more waiting... I wouldn’t blame someone for getting, well, a little bit annoyed at all the people, right?

_The camera focuses on the ledge just before the platform opens up into the dark tracks below._

KASITA: Then I guess you’d have to do more pushing. I saw a video about a bunch of people pushing a train aside to get some idiot who’d fallen down out. I never would’ve thought it would be possible to move a subway train just by pushing before! _A pause, then a light laugh._ Well, if you’re anyone other than Shizuo, of course. Hm, I wonder sometimes at the strangeness of human altruism. To some extent, I understand leaping to help a supposed loved one--people all have little hidden depths to them after all. I’m sure you all have people you’d rush to push a train aside for in your dull, boring, typical lives. Everyone does.

But what I don’t understand is the strange fascination you all have with _each other_. You’ll never know the dirty little secrets of the thousands of people you walk by in a crowd every day but people leap to help each other _so_ often--and so eagerly--when there’s a crowd around.

_A wide pan of the station, showing no one in sight, save for a janitor slowly mopping the ground by the washroom doors. The sound of the water sloshing in his bucket can be heard._

_After a few seconds, the camera comes to a rest trained on the janitor again. Then, there is a jostling and an alarmed look on the man’s face, before the video cuts to black._

_When the camera cuts back to Kasita’s smiling face, he is standing on the dark tracks and only the bottom half of the brightly coloured ads lining the subway tunnels are visible. There is no sound, not even the sound of the janitor mopping._

KASITA: Hm, no one’s coming for me. Human altruism doesn’t quite work when there’s no one else around, ne? _He snickers._ Now, let’s go on an adventure! _He taps a finger on his chin._ Oh, that reminds me: I’ve been thinking about all these questions you guys seem to have, lately. I’m just as curious about you are you are about me, you see. For instance, you all want to know when I’m going to do something absurd like marry Shizu-chan and I want to know why you’re all so interested in him anyways~ I like to know who my fans are!

Well, even _I_ can’t personally know two million people. I think I’ll settle for stalking only a couple thousand of you. _He laughs, and the sound echoes even more through the subway tunnel than it did through the station itself._

KASITA: So, I’ve decided to do a Q and A video! Isn’t that cool? But, if you guys want to send a question, you gotta tell me a fact about yourself in return. Doesn’t have to be anything big, maybe the name of your pet or something stupid and insubstantial as that, I don’t really care. _He brings the camera in closer to his face, wagging a finger._ Quid pro quo is only fair game, right?

 _His voice drops down to a whisper as he speaks._ I’ll answer the questions from the ones who send in the juiciest secrets. _He shrugs._ Anyways that about ends everything I wanted to say for now. But before I sign off, I have a surprise for everyone…

_Kasita is silent as he walks down the rest of the tunnel._

_There is only the sound of his footsteps._

_Occasionally, he kicks a rock and films it bouncing through the darkness._

_Then, suddenly, the faint sound of a train moving through the tracks can be heard. It grows louder. Soon, a light can be seen ahead, so much brighter than everything else._

_When the camera turns back on himself, Kasita’s face is illuminated by the train’s lights._

_The blaring horn can be heard._

KASITA, _in a hushed whisper_ : ...Ready? In one…

_The rhythmic sound of the train coming closer…_

...two…

_Closer._

...three…

_The light is blinding, filling the entirety of the camera._

GO!

_Only flashes of light in darkness can be seen as the camera jostles. The sound of Kasita’s quick footsteps can be heard as he runs down the tunnel._

_The sound of Kasita’s back hitting a wall is heard, then the shot finally stills._

_The subway train--now only grey streaks as it thunders far too quickly to see properly--rushes by._

_Amongst the heavy sound of the train running on its tracks, Kasita’s manic laughter can be heard, loud and breathless. After what feels like an eternity, and the train has passed, the camera finally turns onto his face._

KASITA, _still breathlessly_ : Happy New Years!

 

_tags: kasitalks, kasita, youtube, vlogs, kasita transcripts_

_86 notes_

 

* * *

 

January 2, 2014  
**kashita:**

SO THAT’S WHAT SHIZU-CHAN’S REAL NAME IS AHHHHHH!!!!

 

_tags: kasita, youtube, shizu-chan, shizuo!!!!!_

_17 notes_

 

* * *

 

January 5, 2014  
**cats-and-sweaterweather:**

Hey guys! I’m a bit late, but Happy New Year’s! And what a better way to celebrate than with a long awaited new Kasita video? Honestly, I was so excited when this came up. I know there’s been rumours everywhere saying he’d stop making videos or that he was planning something big or whatever, and even if I’ve never _really_ taken them to heart I was so relieved when I got online a few days ago that  this was up.

A few of you’ve been asking about my thoughts on the hiatus and I’d put addressing that off for so long now that it’s completely irrelevant, but I just thought I’d turn some of those essay drafts into a post about my thoughts on why it happened and where the fandom’s gonna go next!

Under the cut in case this gets too long! (And we all know it always gets way too long ^^;)

Some things’ve changed in this three month long hiatus, but one of the biggest changes in fandom I’ve seen is the rise of the Kashizu shippers. You know who you are. Seriously, we’re going to rival the Phandom soon with how much fanfics and fanart is being cranked out lately. (Okay, well, maybe not the Phandom but still!) Mad respect to all the talented authors and artists anyways.

Anyways, regarding the hiatus, I’d been tossing around a lot of ideas about how lonely Kasita’s seemed in his videos, if you remember that from my previous posts. Especially when you think about how he made an entire video ranting about how much he hates Shizuo and has never, to my knowledge, ever mentioned any friends on any of his social media. Honestly if he were an only child or estranged from his family, I wouldn’t be surprised since he never really mentions any family events either and on such big days like New Year’s!

This also brings the Q and A he suggested (particularly the format of it!) into an interesting light, if we consider how he might just want to reach out and get to know his fans more but doesn’t quite know how, but that’s a different subject for another post…

I don’t want to get into any speculation about the hiatus, because real life catches up to a lot of people and I don’t really feel too comfortable with out-stepping my boundaries and talking about Kasita’s actual life, no matter how public a figure he is.

Still, I feel like the recent inception of the Kashizu fandom might actually be onto something? I’m not 100% convinced that there’s more than just mutual hatred between him and Shizuo, but, I mean, facts add up a bit. Consider this: 1. Kasita constantly refers to Shizuo with a cutesy nickname and a casualness that suggests he does this a lot 2. Kasita’s insults are sometimes heated, but also sometimes offhand and with a strange sort of levity and 3. Kasita actually mentioned Shizuo twice in this latest video without flinging insults left and right for once.

All this kind of points to the fact that they’re at least vitriolic best buds of some sort. Seriously, the insulting reminds me more of the ribbing me and my besties throw at each other sometimes other than real viciousness. Just the fact that he puts it on the internet and we keep it in private group chats doesn’t really mean anything other than the fact that Kasita feels more comfortable sharing his relationship with Shizuo in public, right?

Something to think about.

That’s it for me, though, this post is way too long already and I’m off to finish finals prep! Bye guys!

 

_tags: kasita, kashizu, youtube, youtuber, analysis, shizu-chan_

_58 notes_  
_JOKES-ON-YOU LIKES THIS_  
_SHEYLALA01 REBLOGGED THIS FROM CATS-AND-SWEATERWEATHER_  
_KLK4EVA LIKES THIS_  
_SHELLEY012 LIKES THIS_  
_KOWOII LIKES THIS_  
_DONTALK REBLOGGED THIS FROM CATS-AND-SWEATERWEATHER AND ADDED:_

_...omg seriously this is what I’ve been trying to tell all the haters all along <33_

**_SHOW MORE NOTES_ **

* * *

 

Hm...of course the one day I visit your shitty apartment for a change you’re not actually here. Did Shizu-chan stop being such a hermit and actually go out to celebrate his birthday like a normal person for once? w(°ｏ°)w ᵒᵐᵍᵎᵎᵎ

This note is only so you don’t throw it out the moment you see it, but there is now a wonderful, shiny, amazing new phone sitting inside on your dirty couch! You’re welcome! Take this token of my dearest affections as a part of my ongoing attempts to teach you some culture, darling Shizu-chan! (/^▽^)/

If you must continue in your efforts to break down my door (again) then I suppose you having a reliable way of communicating with me is good thing, right~? I know you have some sort of vendetta against phones or something but don’t break this one! It was expensive!

Oh look at me, spending money on you and everything like I care. Soon we’ll be skipping down the street lovingly feeding each other ootoro! ♥♥♥♥♥♥～(‘▽^人)

Have fun getting old,  
I~za~ya~♥

P.S. I took the liberty of putting my number in already ‘cause I know your primitive brain isn’t big enough to actually remember it

 


	4. February-March

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings for themes of depression and implied suicide.

February 4th 2014  
**pigeonsplat:**

Warning: Rant Below

look, so i’m as happy as anyone that kasita’s finally getting the attention we all know he deserves. the fandom’s growing a lot, and thats great because more people means more content and fellow fans and that’s never a bad thing.

except for maybe when it is? like, i can’t be the only one that liked it more when the tag wasn’t full of kashizu shipping and whatnot, and we all talked about the crazy shit kasita got up to instead of who he might be fucking? idk, I feel like what made his content special was how he shows us the places no one else goes to, the sorts of places we all see every day but never think about. *that’s* what his channel’s all about, not romance.

i’m not trying to attack anyone or anything. all im saying is that i’d like to go three posts down on my dash without stumbling over some fanart of them kissing or whatever.

_tags: kasita, youtubers, personal_

_18 notes_

* * *

 

February 9th 2014  
**shenbakyu:**

_tags: kashizu, kasita, shizu-chan_

_650 notes_

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February 26 2014  
**kasitalks:**

**The Long Awaited Q/A Video!**

_The inside of Kasita’s apartment can be seen with him seated on the couch, the low light coming in through one side suggesting evening._

KASITA, _smiling slightly and giving a small wave to the camera_ : Hey guys, it’s been awhile hasn’t it? Sorry about taking forever to get this video out, but, y’know-- _he shrugs_ \--life gets in the way sometimes. But anyways, let’s get to the questions! You guys sure had a lot to ask, didn’t you? And some of you seemed preeetty desperate to get me to see them judging by the fun secrets you sent.

I won’t share, of course. Your secret is always safe with me. _He winks into the camera._ So, first question!

_Kasita claps his hands together and brings out a black smartphone._

**Q: Would you rather never be able to speak again or always have to say everything that is on your mind?**

_Kasita starts typing silently on his phone._

_The camera then cuts to a zoomed in shot of Kasita’s phone, where the answer reads_ : I’d probably have to shut down this youtube channel if I had to say everything that’s on my mind.  

**Q: can u do a draw my life plx??**

KASITA: Nah. My life isn’t interesting enough for an entire video! Moving on!

**Q: What’s your real name?**

KASITA, _putting a hand up to his forehead in what appears to be mock astonishment_ : After all the trouble I went to finding a cool youtube handle, you still want to know my real name? _He leans forwards and props his elbow on his knee, resting his chin in his hand and smirking at the camera._ It’s too bad I’m not going to tell~ you then.

_He sits back again, crossing his legs. As he talks, he gestures outwards with his hands._ I did put some effort into my username you know? I might as well tell you about that instead, then, since I’m not gonna answer your question. ‘Kasita’ is Esperanto for ‘hidden’ and I thought it was pretty clever for a youtube handle for my alternate self. Don’t you agree~?

**Q: What’s your favourite color?**

_Kasita stands up and spreads his arms out, revealing the black shirt underneath his black hooded jacket with black jeans._

KASITA: Take a guess?

**Q: Why did you start a youtube channel?**

KASITA, _sitting back down_ : Ooh, this is a good one. _He taps a finger against his chin as if in thought._ I suppose I could say that I was a relatively lonely person once upon a time and everyone wants some place to go where they can talk, right? _He smiles slowly._ You know, my secretary always complains about my tendency to talk to myself all the time. She keeps insisting that no one would want to hear me talk except for myself! Can you believe her? So, I figured, why not share my life with the lovely citizens on the internet? _He sweeps a hand out dramatically._

And then this sort of all just happened and now I have all of you to talk to! I think we can consider this a win-win situation, right?

_He leans in closer to the camera._ If anything, I totally proved her wrong, didn’t I? Considering we have even more questions to get to now.

**Q: do u have friends even lol.**

_Kasita throws his head back and laughs, loudly._

_When he stops laughing, he leans his head to one side and stares directly into the camera._

KASITA: You’re cute. Do I look like I have friends?

_There is a long pause where Kasita remains staring straight into the camera, smiling all the while._

KASITA: Well, sorry to disappoint. I do actually have one! _He smile curves into a smirk._ Not telling who they are, though~

**Q: How old are you?**

KASITA, _flinging his arms out over his head_ : I’m 23! And I’ll forever be youthful at heart, of course!

**Q: Do you have any siblings?**

KASITA, _cheerfully_ : Nope! I remain an only child and--he waves a hand towards his chest--the sole person upon whom my dear parent shower their affections! Sibling competition seems so tedious. I’m glad I never had to deal with that growing up.

**Q: Would you rather never laugh again or never use your smartphone again?**

_Kasita finishes reading the question from his smartphone. He rolls his eyes before tossing the phone offscreen, laughing as he does so. From inside his jacket pocket, he pulls out a flip phone, dramatically flicking the cover open, before winking at the camera._

KASITA, _reading from the flip phone_ : Now, what’s the next question?

**Q: Would you rather live one life that lasts 1,000 years or live 10 lives that last 100 years each?**

KASITA, _sitting more upright, uncrossing his legs_ : Well I suppose my first instinct is to say the former, as the idea of an extended life is very appealing, but perhaps the latter would be a great opportunity to observe more humans! Though that presupposes that my consciousness would be preserved through reincarnation and I’d really rather not take the risk, so maybe that’s not so great after all. _He tilts his head._ See, like many of you, I am afraid of dying. Still, it’s not quite death that concerns me, it’s the nonexistence of me.

_He steeples his fingers under his chin._ I suppose I’d choose the first option after all, then, considering all that.

**Q: When’re you going to get a proper update schedule???**

KASITA, _frowning_ : Hm, I’d think that having a ‘proper update schedule’-- _he makes air quotes with his fingers_ \--would be way too much trouble! Youtube isn’t my only job, after all.

_He pulls his legs up on the couch, sitting crosslegged now._

KASITA: Now, onto the one thing I’m sure you’ve all been dying to know. Here’s a small sample of the number of questions along these lines I’ve gotten over the past month or so.

_On the screen, a number of twitter screencaps appear. The questions read as follows_ :

**Q: Is Kashizu real?**  
**Q: Are the two of you dating?**  
**Q: r u in love with shizu-chan??**  
**Q: Are u going to marry Shizu-chan?**  
**Q: Are you single?**  
**Q: are you dating shizuo? <33**  
**Q: can you tell us about your relationship with shizu-chan?**  
**Q: kasita!! r u dating shizuo??**

KASITA, _rubbing at his temple with a finger_ : Hm, well, what you guys clearly don’t understand is that what Shizu~chan-- _he practically sings the name_ \--have is very special. I think I’ll enlighten you, then.

_A montage follows. Kasita standing by a window, the wind ruffling his hair._  I do hope I see you tomorrow though, Shizu-chan. I haven’t told you lately that I haa~aate you, ne?

_Kasita sitting on the couch, glaring balefully into the camera._ I hate you Shizu-chan. _Kasita, sitting with his legs stretched out underneath a bridge._ Ugh, Shizu-chan, sometimes I hate you so much.

_Shizuo, face twisted with fury._ How many times do I have to tell you to stay out of--! _A shaky shot of a street, a small blond figure at the end of it. Kasita’s voice, sing-song like through the microphone._ Oh Shizu-chan~ Come out so I can tell you how much I hate you!

_A screenshot of a text message exchange._

SHIZU-CHAN: Dammit [a name is blurred out]

KASITA: I hate you too! (*^▽^*)

_Another jittery shot, this time only of long legs in pressed dress pants, running after Kasita as if giving chase._ I’ll kill you!

_The camera cuts back to Kasita’s face in his apartment._

KASITA, _nodding_ : I think that about answers it.

**Q: Will there ever be a video with you and Shizu-chan?**

_Kasita wordlessly raises an eyebrow, before shaking his head and chuckling slightly as he reached forwards for the camera._

_The screen goes black._

 

_tags: kasitalks, kasita, youtube, vlogs, kasita transcripts_

_142 notes_

* * *

 

February 26 2014  
**cats-and-sweaterweather:**

*you named the conversation: KASTA WAS LONELY AND AN ONLY CHILD AND I WAS RIGHT CONFIRMED HAHAHA*

**cats-and-sweaterweather:** I KNEW I KNEW I KNEW IT I WAS RIIIIIIIGHT  
**kowalapus:** calm down liina lol  
**cats-and-sweaterweather:** YOU ALL DOUBTED  
**cats-and-sweaterweather:** bUT I WAS RIGHT  
**officer-sushi:** I NEVER DOUBTED YOU  
**officer-sushi:** it was all roni I swear i had nothing to do with it save me ヽ(ﾟДﾟ)ﾉ  
**kowalapus:** TRAITOR  
**cats-and-sweaterweather:** for srs tho I feel so vindicated  
**cats-and-sweaterweather:** because i was right  
**cats-and-sweaterweather:** about why he makes vids. omg.  
**cats-and-sweaterweather:** i can’t believe kasita actually admitted that on camera tho  
**officer-sushi:** ikr  
**officer-sushi:** (*≧▽≦) that secretary  
**kowalapus:** iKR  
**kowalapus:** but guys why the fuck does he have a secretary???  
**kowalapus:** and “youtube isn’t my only job”???????   
**cats-and-sweaterweather:** i mean he’s gotta have a life too right  
**kowalapus:** ...tru  
**officer-sushi:** i hope this doesn’t mean he’s losing insterest???  
**kowalapus:** ;;;;;-;;;;;  
**cats-and-sweaterweather:** yeah  
**cats-and-sweaterweather:** buT ENOUGH OF THIS SADNESS I WAS RIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGHT  
**kowalapus:** omg

_tags: chat, kasita, kowalapus, officer-sushi, I WAS RIGHT RONI HA HA AH AA, CONFIRMED_

_23 notes_

* * *

 

February 28th 2014  
**you-know-me-not:**

****  
  


*brb dying*

_tags: kashizu is real, i will fight you on this, kashizu, kasita, shizu-chan, i can’t believe i saw them in real life_

_104 notes_

* * *

 

March 23 2014        
**kasitalks:**

**Raira**

Note: This video is actually from January 3rd, but it seems as if there was a mistake and youtube unprivated a bunch of videos from around that time. Kasita tweeted about it here and since he decided to leave the video up, I shall transcribe as per usual. :)  

_A shot of a school roof, it is daytime and children play on the field visible just behind the railing. The wind sweeping across the roof is audible as the crackles through the speakers._

_The camera slowly turns to face Kasita. He is sitting on the railing, and there is only a bit of the rooftop that can be seen. The rest of the shot behind him is open sky._

KASITA, _uncharacteristically solemn_ : Raira Academy. Isn’t it pretty~? Schools are interesting places, so full of budding impressionable minds. ‘Course I didn’t go to school here. Or maybe I did. I dunno. _He pauses_. I’ll let you all come to your own conclusions on that one. _He winks at the camera, then hops off the railing on the other side._

_The camera is still on Kasita’s face as he walks along the edge of the school._

KASITA: That’s one thing you don’t know about me. There are, of course, plenty of others. I pride myself on my mystery, see. _He smiles slightly, viciously._ I mean, there are probably things about me that you wouldn’t like if you knew, but that’s all normal, right? I’m told it’s part of the charm of having a public life. _He laughs, slightly, but only to himself._ I’m sure there’s lots of things you all want to know, but, well, too bad. _He lowers his voice, leaning into the camera._ I’ll never te~eell.

_He stops his pacing, then sits down with his legs hanging over the edge. He swings them, just slightly, holding the camera out to the side._

KASITA, _tilting his head_ : I wonder what you all think of me, now. I wonder what anyone thinks of me. It’s kind of funny, how I know so much about you all now and you still know almost nothing about me, ne~?

_He puts the camera down. The shot now is only of Kasita’s swinging legs. The edge of the roof is sharp against the soft blue sky._

KASITA, _contemplatively_ : It’s something that’s always intrigued me, see. How humans are so obsessed with things they can’t reach. You reach the edge of a roof and there’s a compulsive need to see what it’s like to fall. It’s so common the French even have a phrase for it. L’appel du vide. The call of the void. How fascinating, that humans love and hate death in equal amounts. It’s one of the many things that I love about humans. How stupid they are. How complicated.

_He stands, his feet sticking over the edge of the roof._ You know, I saw a girl try and commit suicide here once? She didn’t die, of course, but I still remember the look on her face when I saw her. I hear the emptiness of the void is compelling when our mortal coil feels too tight. Interesting how often we chose to end things, ne~?

_The camera is picked up, and the shot jostles as Kasita moves it. He climbs back over the railing, before sitting with his knees drawn up. The camera faces him, but everything is seen at a downwards angle. Throughout, only Kasita and the sky is seen once more. The sky is vast, as always._

KASITA: I’ve never understood why people are so obsessed with happiness. If you’re not happy it’s the end of the world. Literally, for some. Happy endings, happily ever after, what’s the fun in that? People talk of death as if it’s the worst thing that can happen to someone but it doesn’t take much imagination to think of things much worse…

_He turns the camera and stretches out his legs._ If you take a step back, you see the strange poetry in falling to your intended death atop a school. Humans, in their most desperate moments, do seem drawn to making their lives--and deaths--mean something or other. Aah~ how amazing.

_The camera is turned towards the sky again. This time, there is nothing else in the shot, only the clouds that are beginning to cover the whole of the blue._

KASITA, _suddenly his voice is closer, as if he is holding the camera closer to his face_ : I suppose this is all a long winded way of saying that humans who read so much into such insignificance intrigue me. Death, a stranger on the internet, it’s all the same draw towards the unknown, I think. My persona is, well, just that. A persona. Do you all really want to know the re~eal me?

_He leans over the camera, part of his hood falling over. His smile this time is smaller, but sharper._ I wonder if you’d like what you see.

_The screen goes black._

 

_tag: kasitalks, kasita, youtube, vlogs, kasita transcripts_

_97 notes_

* * *

 

lalalemons213    1 week ago

i feel so bad that kasita had to see all that when he was in school. sounds like he’s still struggling with it too >< awww poor bby i wanna give him a big hug.  
reply | 12 likes | 0 dislikes

* * *

 

March 25 2013

**Ryan Levi** | 8:57 PM  
melissa?

**Ryan Levi** | 8:59 PM  
i think you were right, Melissa

**Ryan Levi** | 9:04 PM  
also my mouth is dry as hell how does my mom stand eating these pills

**Ryan Levi** | 9:08 PM  
dying in your sleep sounds like a nice way to go no? better than cutting or jumpng in front of busor whtever

* * *

 

**Ryan Levi** | 9:22 PM  
fukc ifeel kdna sick

**Ryan Levi** | 9:26 PM  
melisa

**Ryan Levi** | 9:28 PM  
oh god

* * *

 

**Ryan Levi** | not sent  
bbbydddddddddddddddd|

* * *

 

March 30 2014  
**officer-sushi:**

look guys i love kasita videos as much as the next person but, lately, sometimes just not been sitting right with me about the recent surge of popularity and fandom.

i mean when it comes down to it, I’m deeply unsettled by how it’s become more and more popular to romanticize the truely problematic content in his videos, especially now that kasita has younger and more impresionable fans

I remember when it was just me and cats-and-sweaterweather and kowalapus talking about his videos and we all understood that it still wasn’t right to do the things he did; we all thought he was interesting because he’s not afraid to talk about things most people wouldn’t want to broadcast to youtube. and that was always interesting because you always got the sense that he really deeply cares and only affects that tone of levity to make it more approachable.

and that works to generate discourse when it’s only a few people who are talking, but then the fandom got bigger and bigger and we lost some of that along the way.

honestly at this point i think kasita has an obligation to his viewers to tone down his content a little. i hate to say this, but it’s really hard to both talk about the things he does and make sure his audience knows he doesn’t really mean them, and I think it’s a better idea at this point to just dial back things that are dubiously legal as well as maybe mmake sure his monologues are less...creepy. I’ve seen many a post from minors on this site in the kasita tag lately and it’s just been really unsettling to know that there are these kids out there who might be thinking it’s a good idea to break into buildings just because their favourite youtuber condones it.

_tags: kasita, youtube, personal, fandom_

_92 notes_

* * *

 


	5. April-May

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's a short epilogue at the end, which is why there's suddenly seven predicted chapters instead of six.
> 
> Anyways, on with the show! It's a picture-heavy one this time :)

 

* * *

 

April 30th 2014  
**freelunchfordinner:**

Gryffindor!Kasita and Hufflepuff!Shizu-chan, y/y? ;D

 

 **celtyxshinra:  
** Hahahahahahaha you all think Kasita’s a gryffindor? Trust me, that man’s a Slytherin through and through. Maybe a ravenclaw at most.

 **kasitagirl:  
** there’s no need to say something if you disagree with someone’s headcanon. unless you have access to some mystical fountain of knowledge the rest of us don’t, just shut up and go somewhere else please, and let people draw/write what they want.

 **celtyxshinra:  
** I might not have a fountain of knowledge, but I’m probably in a position to know more than most of you lol

 

_151 notes_

 

* * *

 

04/31/2014 1:23 PM  
Shinra: Orihara-kuuuun your fans are mean ヽ(#ﾟДﾟ)ﾉ  
[one image attached]

 

05/01/2014 4:12 AM  
Izaya: stop spreading rumours about me on the internet, then!

 

* * *

 

 

* * *

 

 

[Recorded 05/08/2014 4:30 PM]

 

Shiki: Are you sure that there’s been no more recent disturbances lately from Heaven’s Slave, then?

Izaya: Of course not.

Shiki: Keep an eye on them, just in case. They shouldn’t be much of a threat to us, but I like to be sure. We don’t want another turf war breaking out like last October. I don’t want the police to get involved again.

Izaya: Hm, how attentive of you, Shiki-san. Is there any particular information you want or do I have free reign to dig around wherever I want?

Shiki: I would look into that leader of theirs if I were you, information-broker.

Izaya: Understood. [typing]

Shiki: I have something else for you today, too. It’s not as important but I’d appreciate it if you could investigate it on the side and--

[sharp and insistent knocks at the door]

[short silence]

Shiki: Are you going to get that, information-broker?

Izaya: ...ah, yes, of course. Please wait here, Shiki-san.

[retreating footsteps]

[cheerful and faint voices from the front door]

[the door slamming, followed by returning footsteps]

[more shuffling]

Izaya: Sorry about that, Shiki-san. Only some...unexpected guests. Shall we continue?

Shiki: What did they want?

Izaya: Oh, you know. Just to talk. I’m exceedingly popular around here because of my good looks, didn’t you know, Shiki-san? I hardly have the time to turn away all the propositions I get these days.

Shiki: Is that so? I certainly hope you have the time for business then.

Izaya: Maa, maa, that’s all irrelevant now. We won’t be interrupted again, I promise you. What was the job you wanted me to look at, then?

Shiki: Hm, nevermind that, then. I don’t want this getting out to anyone that I can’t trust. Perhaps next time we can meet in a more secured location?

Izaya: My apartment is absolutely secured, Shiki-san! I only take the best of precautions, of course.

Shiki: It seems your ‘best precautions’ failed to overlook our unexpected visitors from earlier, information-broker. Meet me next week at Russia Sushi, then. I’ll bring a car and we can talk then.

Izaya: Alright. If that’s what you want. [typing]

Shiki: I’ll be on my way, then.

Izaya: I’ll see you to the door.

[rustling]

[retreating footsteps]

[a door opening, then clicking shut]

[returning footsteps]

[long silence]

[a dull thud] [rattling]

Izaya: Fuck--[sound cuts out]

 

* * *

 

 

 

* * *

 

Rating:                                    Mature  
Archive Warning:                     Graphic Depictions of Violence  
Category:                                M/M  
Fandom:                                  Youtube Blogging & Youtube RPF, Kasita (Youtube RPF)  
Relationships:                         Shizu-chan|Shizuo/Kasita  
Characters:                             Kasita, Shizu-chan|Shizuo  
Additional Tags:                      Angst, slow burn, gang fights, I swear they’ll get together eventually just wait  
Language:                               English  
Stats:                                      Published:2012-10-07      Updated: 2014-05-17     Words: 76201     Chapters: 30/32     Comments: 87        
                                               Kudos: 389       Bookmarks: 42       Hits: 10238

   

 **Just Let Me In  
** whimsical-stardust

* * *

 Chapter 9:

Summary:

* * *

    When Kasita accidentally gets a gang fight on camera, he doesn't think much of it after deleting it.

    Except when the Awakusu-Kai come calling at his door. Kasita ends up resorting to asking his enemy,  
    and also the strongest man in Ikebukuro, for help.

    Now the question is: will Awakusu-Kai go to any means to keep their secrets buried or will his  
    conflicting feelings for Shizuo break Kasita first?

Notes:

* * *

     Thanks so much to jolly-rogers-bear for beta-ing! Couldn’t do this without you, darling.

     Sorry that this chapter’s a little shorter than usual. I tried to stick it with the next chapter at first but  
     it just didn’t seem to fit very well. Enjoy anyways!

 

It was in the aftermath that Kasita realized his hands were shaking.

The room was dark. Shadowy. Kasita looked around and saw nothing but secrets. _Who are you, Shizu-chan?_ he wanted to ask, but there would be nothing but darkness to ask it to. Kasita wrapped his arms around his knees, feeling the roughness of the couch behind his back. Every time he closed his eyes, he could feel arms on his shoulders, pulling him out of bed again and to some dark alley way and it would be--

\--it _had_ been--

(and they’d kill him of course they would they tried and there would be no one to save him and they’d kill him they’d kill him they’d kill him)

Kasita gripped his knees. Leaned his head back. Breathed in the smell of stale cigarette smoke. Tried to calm his beating heart.  

The sound of footsteps managed to startle him badly enough that he jumped up, his legs shaky.

When it was only Shizuo who comes around the corner, first aid kit in hand, Kasita felt the sick sensation of relief mixed with anger. How dare he succumb to this.

“You alright?” Shizuo asked, his voice laced with what could be called concern.

Kasita winced. A hand fell on the couch’s arm. “No,” he snapped, glaring slightly at Shizuo if only to keep his world intact. Where would he be, then, if even that fell apart?

Shizuo rolled his eyes.

He walked, Kasita tracked his footsteps, averted his eyes. He sat down on the couch, eying Kasita with a wary sort of look, his eyebrows bunched together. His eyes, Kasita thought, looked strangely harder than they should behind the ever present blue shades. Sharper. Colder. 

He thought: since when did I start thinking of Shizuo as warm?

“You gonna help me with this?” Shizuo asked, holding out the first aid kit. 

Kasita cast his gaze slowly to the tear in his usually perfectly polished dress shirt. Saw the blood, but there was something dull in his mind where fear usually was. Or maybe it was harder to feel fear when it was always there.

He thought: am I afraid of Shizu-chan?

“Kay,” he said, hating how broken his voice sounded, couldn’t make it sound stronger. He sat down beside Shizuo, legs knocking into the blond’s because he was shaking so hard. Kasita flinched, but still reached out for the kit.  

If Shizuo noticed, he didn’t say anything. Instead, he stripped his shirt off, not even wincing at the way the movement must’ve pulled at his arm, at how the fabric must’ve rubbed against the open wound. Kasita told himself he wasn’t grateful for it. 

The gash wasn’t deep, but it was long, snaking across Shizuo’s bicep.

“Tch,” Shizuo said, shaking his head. “Bastards.” 

Kasita drew in a shaky breath, tried to smile. “How rude of them, ne?” he asked without any real enthusiasm. There was some part of him that wondered why he cared so much. Why when he had contemplated about the nature of life and death did this tiny brawl, so insignificant in the context of everything else, bring him to being almost inoperative? Philosophy was one thing, being held at knifepoint to give up a video you no longer had was another, he supposed.

He noticed faintly that his heartbeat was at a relatively normal rate. His hand was still on Shizuo’s arm.

“Why did you come?” he asked as he took out the bottle of disinfectant.

Shizuo, predictably, didn’t flinch at the sharp spray. “I wouldn’t’ve if I knew you were as useless as that,” he said, snorting slightly.

A slight blow to his pride. But nothing untrue.

When Kasita didn’t respond, Shizuo sighed. “You called, idiot. How could I not?” 

The answer to that question was infinite. Because I hate you, Kasita would’ve said. Because you hate me. Because we can’t coexist, not like this.

“I thought you hated me, Shizu-chan,” Kasita said, tiredly more than anything else. He pulled out the box of butterfly stitches, staring at the red lettering for a long time before pulling the tabs open. 

Shizuo shrugged. “I did too,” he said. Reached up. Took off the sunglasses.

Kasita applied the strips slowly, suddenly aware of the smoothness of Shizuo’s skin. There were, he noticed, scars littered all over his arm. Too small to be noticed unless you looked closely enough. Too many, still.

There was stillness in the room. Kasita counted the stitches. The air was cool. Shizuo’s eyes were open, now, studying the way Kasita worked, trained on his thin fingers.

“I was on a job, you know?” Shizuo said, finally. “When you called. Fucker got away too.”

Kasita stopped short, realizing he was almost tracing the curve of Shizuo’s muscle with his fingertips. The words slammed into him like a truck. Harder than anything Shizuo had ever thrown. He swallowed tightly. The air was cold.

“Are you trying to make me feel guilty?” he asked, a slight laugh building in his throat.

Shizuo snorted. He pushed his hair back, and Kasita was struck by the sudden thought that it looked almost soft. Darker than in the bright harsh lights of Ikebukuro here in the dimness of the room. More natural. “Just thought you might want to know,” he said. “But maybe a little." 

“You think I don’t appreciate this.” Kasita gestured around them, as if he could encompass whatever this was supposed to be with a gesture. It certainly didn’t go well into words.

“No,” Shizuo countered.

Kasita frowned. Reached for the bandages. “Then what do you think?”

“I was on a job, and then you called, and my first instinct was to say well fuck it he’s got what’s coming to him,” Shizuo said, and that was the version of things that was right in Kasita’s world. That was how things were supposed to be. Shizuo hated him, he hated Shizuo, there were no gang fights and everything was normal. “But then I remembered the first time you called and I didn’t come.” Kasita flinched back slightly at the memory, but it hadn’t been that bad the first time, they’d only threatened him a little, nothing for the hell that was to come.

He thought of what would’ve happened if Shizuo didn’t answer.

He thought of it.

He thought of it then bit down hard on his lip, winding the bandage around Shizuo’s arm to do something with his hands.

“Guess I’m not as heartless as you thought, huh?” Shizuo said, a hard little smile on his face.

“Well I suppose I’m supposed to thank you, then,” Kasita said.

“Wasn’t looking for a thanks.”

“Well thank you anyways.”

They looked down. Kasita finished wrapping the bandages. Shizuo coughed, a little awkwardly. “Thanks too,” he muttered, flexing his arm.

Kasita tried not to stare.

Shizuo got up, and Kasita opened his mouth to ask where he was going. Realized it was a stupid impulse, and why did he have to know where Shizuo was going? It was Shizuo’s apartment; he was only an unfortunate visitor. Stopped. Closed his mouth. Sat in silence.

Waited. 

“I’m not either, you know,” he whispered into the dark. “Heartless, that is.”

Kasita thought of the times he wished he could will away his emotions, thought of the heartstopping rage that would colour his vision when he thought of Shizuo. There were videos. So many videos. All ending in Kasita angrily throwing something or almost breaking the camera or other violence of the sort.

The thought of Shizuo used to send his nerves frying, his hands curling into fists that would refuse to relax until he was well and away from the brute. 

“So what changed?” he muttered, thinking of Shizuo’s soft eyes the curve of his arm the way he smiled, even when Kasita was there.

A sudden remembrance: 

The look of Shizuo’s face when he stepped into the alley, the savage grin that was so often directed at Kasita now gone with only a brutal glower in its place. The way Shizuo hadn’t laughed, hadn’t taunted, hadn’t said much. Only batted people away like flies.

The way Shizuo had halted, faltered, when they put a knife to his throat and he only felt cold fear in the moment but looking back there was a strange warmth that billowed in his chest.

A thought: Heiwajima Shizuo cares about me. In some way. At least enough to not let me die.

Another thought: I care about Heiwajima Shizuo. In some way. At least enough to be grateful that he saved my life.

The sound of the shower came, and Kasita slumped a little in relief that Shizuo hadn’t left for any reason. He reached out, methodically put the butterfly stitches he hadn’t used back into the box, sorted out the first aid kit as best he could. It was almost calming, but every time he put something away or straightened something or cleaned up the bandages so they weren’t spilling into the rest of the kit, he thought of Shizuo.

Kasita could see it now. Shizuo, after a fight, knuckles bruised and bleeding from slamming into walls, hunched over the couch and peeling away at bandages. He could wince, then, in the privacy of himself. Without Kasita there. Or else he wouldn’t, because Shizuo was inhuman if anything else and simply didn’t feel pain.

Perhaps it was after a chase, and something he uprooted was sharper than he’d thought. Perhaps he’d curse Kasita’s name, say _goddamn shitty rat ruining my life again_ , slam his other fist in the table when he got himself so worked up. 

A smile.

His own. 

Kasita shut the lid of the kit, still holding the bottle of disinfectant, wondered. When he put the kit on the small table besides the couch, the sunglasses sitting there clattered to the ground.

So there was this. There was the feeling of something being so fundamentally wrong (Shizuo, Awakusu-kai, the video) but also the feeling of things finally sliding into place. The sound from the shower was comforting, a steady tandem of drumming water. Kasita timed his breathing to it, in and out and in and out and in and out and thought of Shizuo’s taut back, his small smile. Thought of brushing his lips against Shizuo’s scowl, thought of smoothing away the anger in his brows with the light tap of a finger. 

Well.

He certainly never did anything in halves, did he?

He supposed it made some sort of sense. What was love and hate but intensity and passion, all rolled up into one? Who said the borders couldn’t be shifted, that it wasn’t as easy to slip from one to another as breathing?

There was the nagging thought that this was the end of some sort of logical conclusion. That when he’d pressed the talk button to call Shizuo for the first time their fates had already been locked.

Or, perhaps, when they’d locked eyes for the first time at the bar, all smoke and shadows. Like now. Kasita leaned back onto the couch, letting his tense muscles relax.

If it was written in their stars, well, let it be so. 

“Why do you have to be so unpredictable, Shizu-chan,” Kasita murmured, rolling the bottle around in his fingers.

The sound of the water abruptly cut off.

Kasita sat up, his eyes darting to the door. Floorboards creaked. The lights flickered, slightly. Kasita breathed in the smell of smoke.

And then Shizuo rounded the corner again, dressed in sweats and a ratty looking T-shirt, the edge of the bandage just peeking out from under the sleeve. It was dry, Kasita noticed, and realized that Shizuo must’ve remembered to cover it with something. A week ago, he’d have assumed the brute didn’t know how to take care of himself any more than he knew how to navigate anything else in life. 

Now, he realized that this perhaps happened far too often for Shizuo to remain ignorant.

Drops of water fell from Shizuo’s bleach blond hair. They stared at each other for a long time. 

“So,” Kasita said, breaking the near-silence, “what now?”

Shizuo shrugged. “That’s your own problem,” he said gruffly. Kasita felt his chest tighten. What was he expecting, then? A hearty welcome? An invitation to stay? Some sort of strange offer of friendship? But Shizuo was only looking at him expectantly, as if wondering why Kasita was still sitting on his couch.

He hadn’t say down himself. Only leaned at the doorway. Looked down at Kasita.

“Is Shizu-chan going to abandon me again?” Kasita asked, trying to keep his voice light. The words came out too fast, though, too heavy, too full of real meaning.

Shizuo furrowed his brow. “What, do you need a bodyguard or something now?”

 _Yes_ , was the word that rushed to Kasita’s throat, but he swallowed it and shook his head. “Guess that’s it then, ne?” he asked.

It was impossible to read the emotion on Shizuo’s face. Kasita would’ve said, before, that there was no way an inhuman brute could even _feel_ emotions, but. But. He wanted to know what was behind those guarded eyes.

Shizuo didn’t answer.

Kasita, slowly got up off the couch. He picked up the sunglasses, put them and the bottle of disinfectant back on the table. 

He realized, with some vague sense of surprise, that his hands were still shaking.

“You can, uh,” Shizuo scratched at the back of his neck. “Call me again. You know. If things go wrong again.” 

Kasita laughed, lightly. “Don’t expect too much,” he bit out.

He had been wrong, then. Their fates weren’t written in the stars or whatever. Their lives weren’t mapped out. Kasita was only a fool for feeling and Shizuo would never grow to feel anything other than grudging tolerance for him.

Shizuo glared. “Talk about ungrateful,” he muttered.

Kasita’s smile twisted on his face. Better to cut ties when it wasn’t too late yet, then. Better to leave it all behind. Perhaps he would hire a real bodyguard, then.

He walked up to Shizuo, studying the blond’s face. It was twisted in frustration, or perhaps annoyance. Kasita bunched his fist tight behind his back, dug his nails in his palm. He wanted to kiss that angry mouth, he really did.

He could do it too, right now, and turn everything upside down. 

He thought: I want things to change.

He thought: Shizu-chan doesn’t.

Kasita brought his other hand up, thought about touching Shizuo’s cheek, just slightly, feeling the warmth on his fingertips. Thought of tenderly leaning up and kissing him, then and there.

He stuck his hand out for a shake instead.

When Shizuo gripped his hand, it was surprisingly gentle.

“See you around, then,” Kasita said as casually as he could, and slipped out the door.

The smell of cigarette smoke--dirty, regretful--lingered on his clothes as he walked.

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Lucyslemonadestand, kasita1093, give-me-your-love, koalabear-cuddler, kingdom-fallsxxxx, jlskjw, kiwalol, 5Luv, words-words-words, clamjam87, ThereIsStrenghInSilence, president-of-lalaland, gumdrop-railroads, kashizuismyjam10, 2hot2die, Lady-Stellar, ofallthestarsinthesky, kashizubabe, jocular5eva, as well as 369 guests left kudos on this work!

 

words-words-words on Chapter 9  
Sat 17 May 2013  7:09AM EDT

These arent tears I just have a log in my eye. Both of them. Also it’s raining.

What I mean to say is, amazing chapter. Everything you write is so on point and in character and ahhhhhh. Kasita slowly falling in love with Shizuo, but trying to stop himself (in vain) from getting too close because he can’t let himself tie himself down to something so unpredictable and visceral, and Shizuo being so warm and solid and there but distant at the same time because we’re seeing all this through Kasita’s pov and he doesn’t know how to interpret any of it. So - ugh. Keep on doing what you’re doing, please, and excuse me as I try to mend my shattered heart. <3

 

           whimsical-stardust on Chapter 9  
           Sun 18 May 2013 4:20PM EDT 

           Thank you so much!! And, wow, everything you said about characterization is so spot on! I’m so glad you like the story <3

           And don’t worry, more heartbreak will be to come ;)

 

lavieenrose on Chapter 9  
Sat 17 July 2013 10:27AM EDT

NO GO BACK SHIZUO DON’T WALK AWAY KASITA NEEDS YOU DAMMIT :C

these two idiots just need to get together already and save the rest of us all this heartbreak <//3 (no but really i love slow build fics keep up the awesome work)


	6. June

06/20/2014  
**kasitalks:**

**Sorry.**

Note: I have no idea if this is serious or not, so please please please stop messaging me about this! I’m just the transcriber! If any of you really want to find out, contact Kasita himself and not me! (honestly, I’m really hoping this isn’t true either D’:)

_A wide street, busy with people, Kasita is filming himself walking, one hand shoved in his jacket pocket._

KASITA: Y’know, when I started this youtube thing, it was all supposed to be one big adventure. Lots of fun and all that. But then these past few months it hasn’t quite felt fun, really. _He shrugs, a sharp but humourless smile on his face._ Good things never last, ne?

_The camera turns towards the street, where cars rush._

KASITA, _almost casually_ : I never thought I’d make a long time career out of this youtube thing, so, well, I guess this is goodbye.

_He turns the camera back to himself. Kasita is smirking, leaning against the traffic light’s pole._

KASITA: No hard feelings, right? I assure you, it’s not you, it’s me. _A pause. Kasita shrugs again._ Well, actually, it is you, but no matter. We’ve all got things to do, people to see, I’m sure you all won’t even remember me in a few months, as mercurial and fickle as some of you are. I suppose I’ll miss being able to share my thoughts and actually have people listen, but sometimes it’s just not worth it, see?

_The light turns green. Kasita drops his arm and the camera is only trained on the grey and white stripes of the crosswalk._

_Kasita begins to walk._

KASITA: Ja~ne!

_The camera cuts off before he reaches the other side and the screen goes dark._

 

 _tags: kasitalks, kasita, youtube, vlog, kasita transcripts, is he really leaving?, ;-;  
_ _210 notes_

 

* * *

 

Namie sat back in her chair, frowning at the screen as the video ended. “Well,” she muttered to herself, “I suppose that’s it, then.”

 

* * *

 

After a month or so of relative silence online, Namie realized that Izaya was maybe _serious_ about the whole retirement thing.

She scrolled through her folder of documents, wondering if there was even a reason for it or if Izaya’d just gotten bored of the whole enterprise somewhere along the way. She certainly wouldn’t put it past him to drop something just like that.

 

* * *

 

Everything else in Izaya’s life seemed to remain at a constant, though. Namie sat at her desk and watched him meet with clients, smiling his stupid sly grin at them instead of at a camera.

And then there was, of course, Heiwajima Shizuo, who made a nuisance of himself in the apartment ever so often, sending Namie from her desk to taking shelter behind some bookshelves, where she hopefully wouldn’t be forced to actually acknowledge the reason for his visits.

Sometimes, Namie hated her life.

 

* * *

 

Heiwajima always visited at the strangest times.

Namie sat crosslegged against a bookshelf, idly scrolling through pictures of Seiji on her phone as she waited for Izaya’s... _friend_ to leave. She silently wished the stupid blond brute would pick less annoying times if anything, so she could get her work done then get out of here.

Izaya had been lounging away on his couch, tapping away at a tablet, but he looked up when Shizuo let himself in through the door.

“Back so soon, Shizu-chan?” Izaya practically purred, and Namie wanted to hurl at the tone he was using.

Heiwajima grunted, and slammed the door shut behind him. Namie winced at the loud rattling she could hear from even up on the _second floor_. She made a mental note to not organize construction to fix whatever it was that Izaya’s stupid boyfriend was sure to break this time.

“I’d ask if you had a good day but I suppose it couldn’t have been too amazing without me in it,” Izaya commented casually, and Namie rolled her eyes at how utterly ridiculous he sounded.

She looked down but instantly regretted it when she saw Izaya sprawled across the couch, one hand toying at the collar of his own shirt and a sharp, devious smile playing at his lips. _Euch._ Namie turned her nose up and fixed her gaze at a corner of the bookshelf, vowing never to look down again.  

“Any day without you is the best fucking day of my life,” Heiwajima shot back, pathetically half heartedly.

Sometimes, Namie wondered why the two of them bothered with the petty insults and chasing each other back and forth across the city when they were just going to sneak away later and fuck on a couch, or some other horribly scarring thing that Namie really didn’t want to see. Or hear.

She would hold out hope that Izaya would have the courtesy to move things to his actual bedroom for once, but she knew he didn’t really give a shit whether or not she was around to see. Who was she going to tell? The disembodied head?

Well, actually, she’d toyed with outing her ridiculous boss to the internet and leaving him to the dogs once or twice but she’d seen what happened to Kishitani when he dared to so much as imply he knew Izaya. It clearly was not worth the risk, and Namie suspected that Izaya knew this.

Namie deeply hated Orihara Izaya. Times like this especially.

She tried not to pay attention, but Izaya’s sultry voice somehow managed to carry even through his massive apartment. If Namie hadn’t known Izaya couldn’t even find her enough of a threat to treat her like a person half the time, she’d have thought he was purposefully trying to goad her.

As it was, Namie knew it was probably just because Izaya didn’t have an ounce of self control in his body.

“Aa~ah, Shizu-chan, come here,” Izaya said way too loudly.

“Impatient, hah, flea?” Heiwajima replied, almost growling the words. He chuckled lowly, and then Izaya made a horrible whining sound and Namie silently thought, _oh, Seiji, save me_ , and flipped her phone back on.

Namie allowed herself a wry smile as she caught sight of the abandoned folder where she kept all her Kasita information, because she knew there were probably thousands of Kashizu shippers out there who would’ve _paid_ to be in her shoes.

Clearly, they were delusional, but Namie was almost impressed by how insistent they all were.

Then she heard a short, breathy moan from Izaya that ended in a sharp gasp and her smile vanished. Namie scowled, trying to block it all out.

There was rustling behind her that actually sounded like they were getting up, and she chanced a glance back to see Izaya clinging to Heiwajima’s side like a particularly pathetic sloth as they stumbled towards the bedroom.

At least that would be the end of all that for tonight. Hopefully.  

 _Ahh, Seiji, soon I’ll get out of here and we can be together_ , Namie thought, holding her phone closer to her chest.

When the coast seemed to be clear, Namie got up from the bookshelf, brushed herself off, then perched herself back on the edge of her chair.

Now, hopefully, she could get the files all typed up before they were finished ravishing each other so she could get out of there without seeing Izaya’s face again.

 

* * *

 

Of course her luck wouldn’t hold out til then.

Namie grit her teeth in frustration when she heard the click of a door behind her. She shoved her phone back into her bag and turned around to the computer screen, pretending to work.

Out of the corner of her eye, she saw the stupid dark furred coat of Izaya’s and her curiosity got the better of her. It wasn’t like they were going to fuck _again_. Whatever it was, it probably was safe to spy on, right? She crept out of her chair, moving to the rail on the second floor as quietly as she could.

Heiwajima was holding a smouldering cigarette in one hand, the other arm lazily slung over Izaya’s waist. The bartender vest he was usually in was nowhere to be seen and even the white dress shirt was rumpled and not even buttoned up all the way. Izaya seemed to be gesturing to the window at the far end of the apartment. Namie narrowed her eyes.

Then, suddenly, even though she swore she hadn’t made any sound at _all_ , Izaya stopped dead in his tracks and fucking turned around.

He caught Namie’s stare and even had the gall to wink while her eyes widened.

“What is it?” Heiwajima asked.

Izaya laughed obnoxiously and turned back. “Nothing at all, Shizu-chan,” he sang. Then proceeded to drape himself all over the blond as they walked to the open window, Heiwajima smoking like a chimney stack all the way.

Well, at least they wouldn’t stink up the apartment, Namie thought faintly. She should’ve known Izaya’d be watching her.

“Shinra was being weird again yesterday,” Heiwajima said, suddenly.

Izaya tilted his head, one hand hooking into Heiwajima’s belt loop. “What do you mean again?” he asked, and Namie didn’t even have to see it to know he was rolling his eyes. “Shinra’s always weird.”

Heiwajima laughed shortly. “Weirder,” he amended.

“What’d he say, then?” Izaya asked.

Namie was starting to get tired of this conversation, but Izaya’d _seen_ her and it wasn’t like she could just back down now. She sighed internally and hoped they’d be done with it soon enough.

“Something about warning me not to search you up online? Or any of your...pseudonyms? The hell does that mean?”

Izaya laughed, and it was probably only because Namie _knew_ about all his online shenanigans that she could tell it was a little bit nervous. “Wow, Shizu-chan,” he said, waving a hand, “that’s a big word for you.”

“Shut up,” Heiwajima growled, his arm tightening on Izaya’s jacket. “Whatever Shinra was thinking about you’ve probably done sketchier anyways.”

Izaya hummed. “What kind of person do you take me for who would do sketchy things online?”   
  
Heiwajima was silent, and Namie wondered if there was a single person anywhere who would ever buy that line.

“Maa, it’s not important anyways,” Izaya said, then grabbed Heiwajima’s shirt collar. “I’ll shut up now.”

Namie rolled her eyes and decided that enough was enough and (quietly) made her way back to her computer desk.

 

* * *

 

“Quite the voyeur, are you not, Namie?” Izaya asked, appearing like a ghost from besides her.

Namie scowled down at her desk. “Or maybe you’re just an exhibitionist,” she snapped.

Izaya chuckled, shaking his head. “So charming,” he said, then perched himself on the edge of her desk. “Did you at least enjoy the show?”   
  
“You talk too much,” Namie retorted, sniffing.

Izaya snickered again. “Ah, but you of all people should know that I love the sound of my own voice, right?”

“Uh huh,” Namie said flatly. “But you’d rather the only person who’d ever hear you ramble be yourself, too, _right_?”

A light laugh. “And what’s that supposed to mean?”

“I bet you don’t want Heiwajima finding out about your youtube hobby,” Namie muttered, wondering if Izaya even knew that she actually watched his videos. (Just to keep tabs on him. Of course.)

Izaya threw his head back and laughed, loudly. Namie sighed and propped her chin up on her hand, waiting for his episode to finish. He did this way too often, she thought--burst into loud inappropriate laughter at the drop of a hat.

It used to unnerve her, but Namie had long since gotten used to the many eccentricities of one Orihara Izaya.

“I know about your sleuthing, you know,” Izaya commented lightly when he was finished and was still pretending to wipe tears from his eyes. “You’re not nearly as good as Mika Harima.”

Namie felt a bolt of anger shoot through her at that name.

She narrowed her eyes. “What?”   
  
The smile dropped just as suddenly. Izaya rolled his eyes. “I know about your little collection of supposed blackmail documents.”

Namie moused over the folder, opening it to show Izaya the various posts from Tumblr and Youtube and even Izaya’s personal documents. “What of it?” she asked, allowing herself a small smile too, hoping he hadn’t predicted at least the extent of her ‘sleuthing’.

Izaya shrugged holding his hands out. “I don’t know what you’re going to do with all that now,” he said flippantly, “seeing as I’ve officially retired.” He peered down at her, raising an eyebrow. “Don’t tell me you haven’t seen the latest Kasita video. Aren’t you sort of my biggest fan?”   
  
Namie clenched her fist. “I haven’t seen it,” she lied, ignoring the screen shot from the transcript of the video obviously sitting in her still open folder.

“Ah well,” Izaya said, swinging his legs slightly, clearly just playing with her at this point, “that was sadly my very last video. Retirement is nice, ne?”

“What, did you finally get bored of the internet?” Namie snorted. If anyone could get bored with the entirety of the online world, it was Izaya.

“Maybe,” Izaya sang, still swinging his legs back and forth.

Namie suddenly found herself actually curious. It wasn’t like Izaya to drop something as potentially interesting as being an actual online celebrity. “Did you really?” she asked, quietly.

Izaya stopped swinging, dropping his elbows on his knees and looking at Namie with something actually solemn in his eyes for once. “Maybe I just got sick of everyone trying to tell me what to do,” he said lightly, but Namie noticed the way his shoulders tightened a little bit at the words.

“Really?” she asked, raising an eyebrow. “You?”

Orihara Izaya was the biggest fucking hypocrite in the world, Namie thought, as she sat unwillingly in his damned office doing his stupid work all because he’d gotten the better of her one time.

Izaya shrugged again. “Boundaries are so boring, don’t you think?”

Namie thought of the tape recorder she’d found shoved at the back of an unused drawer the other day, and what was on it. Then she thought of that one text message from Kishitani she’d seen when Izaya told her to grab him one of his phones. “What, did your fans finally scare you off?” she asked, making a wild guess.

The brief wide eyed look Izaya gave her was enough to confirm her suspicions. Then, Izaya’s face closed off and he gave her a wide smirk. “I love my fans!” he exclaimed, throwing his arms out. “Who wouldn’t want to have adoring fans listening to everything they say?”   
  
“I certainly wouldn’t want fans stalking me,” Namie said offhandedly, flipping her hair.

Izaya narrowed his eyes, but the smirk remained. “You’re just jealous,” he retorted, sticking his tongue out.

“If it’s so great having fans then why did you ever retire?” Namie shot back.

The next moment of silence was a moment she would cherish for the rest of her life, Namie thought. A rush of elation hit her at the blank look on Izaya’s face, but then she came to her senses and hated herself for stooping so low so as a momentary lapse of Izaya’s cheery mask was enough to make her feel this triumphant. Namie’s life was _sad_.

Still, this was a rare moment, where Namie finally got to rub something in Izaya’s face instead of the other way around.

She leaned back in her chair and laughed, the fake laughter gradually becoming actually real and stronger when she saw the sullen look on Izaya’s face growing.

“I can’t believe,” she declared, still giggling, “that you let random people on the _internet_ of all places get to you.” The laughter bubbled up again, this time for real. “And all this time I thought I would get to be the one to take you down a few pegs. Looks like the fangirls got to you first.”   
  
Then she imagined a panicked Izaya being run down by a hoard of screaming fangirls and Namie laughed even harder.

After a while, Izaya hopped back off the desk, saying something about letting her leave, and then he was gone.

 _Finally_ , Namie though, collecting her things and hurrying out of the apartment as fast as she could. She couldn’t help the grin that night when she was walking home, though, as she thought of Izaya being defeated by the powers of the internet, and she vowed to reblog all the Kashizu fanart she could find when she got home, just to fuel the fire a bit more and make him uncomfortable.

 


	7. Epilogue (July)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is the end. ^_^ Thanks for reading our weird brainchild of a story!

Then, a few weeks later, after Namie had long since brushed aside her singular moment of triumph with Orihara Izaya, she received an email.

 _Orihara Izaya never loses~! (*⌒▽⌒*)θ～♪_ it read. Namie could hear his irritating smug voice yammering in her ear already.

After the short message, there was a link.

To a blog post.

And then a video.

And it was from Izaya so of course it could be absolutely nothing good, but Namie knew that blog url--she’d gotten most of her video transcripts from kasitalks after all. _I sure hope this is a good idea, Seiji_ , Namie thought, then clicked on the link to the video.

Eyes wide, Namie settled in to watch.

 

* * *

 

07/27/2014                      
**kasitalks:**

**Kashizu is Real!**

Note: I was so excited for this you don’t even know--ahhh I can’t believe Kasita’s back I’m so happy ^_^

_The camera focuses on a blank white wall and only Kasita’s voice can be heard._

KASITA, _cheerfully_ : Hello all! Looks like I’m back, huh? Sorry that the last video was a bit brusque--I was just stuck in a rut, you know, same old problems as everyone. Luckily, I’m very pleased to inform you all that I finally managed to get a certain someone to agree to come with me to the museum of modern art! Yay~! Everyone, say hi to Shizu-chan!

_The shot turns back to reveal Kasita leaning against Shizuo. They are standing in the lobby of the National Museum of Modern Art. Shizuo raises an eyebrow at the camera, then looks down and frowns at Kasita._

SHIZUO, _gruffly_ : What the hell am I supposed to do? 

KASITA, rolling his eyes: Just wave hi to the camera, Shizu-chan. _He sighs dramatically and sweeps a hand towards the lens._ I suppose it was too much to think that someone as simple minded as you would know what to do, ne?

SHIZUO: I--

KASITA, _interrupting_ : Ah, ah, it’s Kasita, remember, Shizu-chan?   
  
SHIZUO, _with narrowed eyes behind blue sunglasses_ : Why’s it that you get to use my real name, then?   
  
KASITA: My channel, my rules~! _He laughs and jumps aside as Shizuo aims a kick at his legs._ Do behave yourself, please, Shizu-chan.

SHIZUO: Fine, _Kasita._

KASITA, _clapping his hands together_ : Now, today we’re going to go on a tour of the museum, but, sadly, they’re probably not gonna let me bring my video camera in. _He leans in closer to the camera._ I’ll sneak a few pictures to show you guys later, though, if you check my twitter. _He winks._ Anyways, this is gonna be a short video, then, just to show you guys I’m back!

_He throws a hand up in the air._

Yay! Isn’t that wonderful?

SHIZUO, _grabbing Kasita’s hand_ : What are you doing?

KASITA, _rolling his eyes again_ : I’m entertaining my fans, Shizu-chan, can’t you see that? I’m being properly enthusiastic that my youtube channel is up and active again! Why can’t you be excited for me, too?

SHIZUO: I agreed to come here with you, didn’t I?   
  
KASITA, _sharp smile softening_ : Ah~ indeed you did. And so goes my continued efforts to make you into a cultured person that I can actually show off instead of just a simple minded brute, ne? _He smirks into the camera, then dramatically falls and grabs onto Shizuo’s arm._ Ah, save me, Shizu-chan, I don’t think my little heart can stand it when you’re so generous to me.

 _Shizuo grabs onto Kasita’s shoulder, and Kasita laughs and clutches harder onto Shizuo’s arm._ I’m still falling, Shizu-chan!

_With a low growl, Shizuo grabs onto Kasita’s other arm and pushes him back. There is a brief moment of silence where the two stand, looking at each other, Kasita still faintly smiling and Shizuo with a blank look on his face. Shizuo is still gripping Kasita’s shoulder tightly._

_Kasita flutters his eyelids._

KASITA, _in a lower voice_ : My he~ero.

_Shizuo cracks a smile._

SHIZUO: Whatever happened to ‘you’re such a monster’?

KASITA: Maybe I got bored of that. _He jumps up on his tiptoes, closes a hand on Shizuo’s, and then they kiss._

_When they break apart, there is a small smile on Shizuo’s face too._

KASITA, _turning back to the camera and waving_ : Bye guys~! Catch my next video next week!

_tags: kasita, youtube, vlog, kasita transcripts, kasitalks, DID THAT SERIOUSLY JUST HAPPEN???_

_198 notes_

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [recording](https://archiveofourown.org/works/5978590) by [CountessCzan](https://archiveofourown.org/users/CountessCzan/pseuds/CountessCzan)




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